I did it again.
I do it because i enjoy it.

I saw an ambulance officer standing waiting for food in her uniform.
I watched as she ordered her food with a smile on my face. I had a plan, a plan i have acted out many times before. A process that has almost become second nature.
She got her food and as she went to walk past me i said, “excuse me”.

She stopped with the cordial smile that ambulance officers (and nurses) usually have. “Yes”.

“I...

XSorXpire

I’m getting crank calls.
They started this morning.
It was 9am when my phone first rang.
I did the usual, “Hello XS speaking”.
There was a slight pause and they hung up.
Only slightly annoyed that they woke me, i did not bother thinking about it again until about 5pm this afternoon my phone rang again.
“Hello XS speaking”. I said.
On the other end was somebody masturbating. Clearly they were masturbating.
Now i’ve dealt with wankers for most of my...

XSorXpire

OhmygodOhmygodOhmygod. Lolly shop lolly shop lolly shop.
I walked into the best shop ever.
Across the road from the cinema is a shop called sweet treat or something.
Ohmygod.
Walk in the door and it’s Lollies galore.
“I never been in a shop like dis. Howsitwork” I said in my kiddy voice.
“Well you take a bag and a scoop and you help yourself. We charge...” The voice behind the counter replied. I didn’t hear what she was saying, nor see what she looked like. Don’t...

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When i was growing up there was no need for sun screen. All day i would run and swim and jump off jetties.
Now we have to wear sunscreen so we dont get cancer.

I would take the leap of faith from beatty parks top diving board, hurt my feet and my underarms as i hit the water and then go back for more.
Now due to litigation and public liabitlity there are no more 10 meter diving boards for kids to jump off.

Leaping off the jetty at Palm beach in Rockingham, racing...

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So after a nice lunch in Devonport with Rich i decided to drive home along the tourist route through the windy twisty wet roads of the Tamar Valley and along the Tamar river.
The road was as expected, windy, twisty and wet. But there was one thing that stood out. Stood out more than anything.
Cows.
Now normally cows stand in groups or alone in the padocks munching the grass. Nom nom nom.
But on this trip there were some lying on the grass. Not eating, just looking.
...

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