DWTK - stupid injuries

[~starfire~]

My Dad trapped my fingers in a car door when I was about 4-5yo and he didnt realise till about 10-15mins later when I hadnt come inside (oh and the door was locked so couldnt get them out myself)

Was playing backyard cricket when I was 9yo with the 3 boys next door, the ball went over the wall, instead of going through the gate I went over the wall to have it collapse all around me with 1 bessa brick sticking out of my right foot through my shoe.

Broke my right wrist trying to catch one of my cats before I had to go to work ... pitch black + wet grass + being in a hurry = 6wks in plaster.

[19andrew59]

Winching a loaded container onto a tilt tray truck, too busy / stupid to check drag chain which, when the container jammed, let go allowing the winch cable to belt me above the right eye. Claret everywhere, stitched up on site, 8 hour HSE investigation, scar over eye. Funny part about it was that it was the day before the policemans ball in town, so the missus went out and bought a dress to match the colour of my eye. Very becoming it was too.

[speed3]

Broken - both elbows
- both wrists (left wrist twice)
- finger
- toe
- thumb
All seperately doing stupid shit.


Plus around 50 odd stitches from various other stupid shit.

[Drach]

Originally Posted by speed3

Broken - both elbows
- both wrists (left wrist twice)
- finger
- toe
- thumb
All seperately doing stupid shit.


Plus around 50 odd stitches from various other stupid shit.

We going to find out what stupid shit?



I was drinking, and my mate had a glass slide door. So i look for the handle with both eyes and hands. Couldn't find it, and walked into the door. Thankfully it didn't shatter, but i fell back and cracked my head on the pavement.

[mark_rattigan]

Originally Posted by ~starfire~

Was playing backyard cricket when I was 9yo with the 3 boys next door, the ball went over the wall, instead of going through the gate I went over the wall to have it collapse all around me with 1 bessa brick sticking out of my right foot through my shoe.

Done similar.
I was 7, racing my 6yo brother to get the ball he just threw over the fence. He went round, I climbed a tree stump and jumped over the fence. Foot got caught on jagged broken bit of asbestos fence, tore my left foot open. 25 stitches.

[Tjsurfa]

shit remembered some more...
caught a cricket ball with my eyeball once.lol shattered cheekbone.. dad gave me $5 for the shiner lol
jump my racer off a bmx jump and the handlebars snaped off on impact...I thought kmart sold good bikes.???
climbing fence when kid and somehow got my finger stuck on the split cyclone wire up the top = dangling by one finger 4yr old lol started young..

[evo9ace]

was in metal work class at high school, making a hinge, i needed to drill a hole into the small piece of sheet metal i had and looked around for a set of vice grips. i couldnt see a pair in reaching distance so thought " hey whats the worse that could happen" and proceeded to drill. next thing i know the pesky piece of metal slipped out of my 2 finger grip. i look at my hand and saw that the metal had filleted the meat off along the tip of my finger right to the bone from the 1st joint to the tip. i stick it into my mouth to stop the blood gushing everywere and walk over to my busy teacher and mumble i need to talk to him outside. he tells me he is too busy for my bullshit today (i was a naughty boy in highschool) but i pursist and he goes outside. i pull it out blood gushes everywere , he faints i look at him on the floor then went to look for a new teacher. found one who got the 1st aid kit out and wraps my finger in libra fleur pads (that was all that was in the 1st aid kit!) and electrical tape. they then tried to send me home!! but i insisted that i be sent to hospital and $2k worth of plastic surgury and a skin graft later i was in hospital for 2 days thinking i should use vice grips next time

[Helrayzer]

A few years ago, I was dating a girl who had really long permed wavy hair. We used to spend weekends away at her parents caravan in the Yorkshire Dales. One Sunday morning, I needed a leak, so went for a meander down the lane. On the way back, I could see her sitting on the step of the caravan, holding her head and rocking backwards and forwards.. As I got closer, I saw she was crying and it appeared that she was trying to comfort one of her ears.
I got to her and asked what was wrong..
She needed to brush her hair, and as she didn't have a hairbrush with her, she had used a makeup brush. Whilst running the make-up brush through her hair, she jabbed it into her ear.
I tried really hard to be supportive, but the thought of someone jabbing a make-up brush into her ear kept making me laugh.
We packed up and I took her to hospital. On the way, I asked stuff like, "so what are you going to tell the doctor?"
She wasn't too amused (I still was).
In the hospital, we waited ages (it was a bank-holiday), when she eventually came out, she had a huge pad on the side of her head, she had managed to perforate an ear drum...

[Tjsurfa]

this ones my brother in law funny shit lol.
drunk as ten men , we were walking down a hill in frankston melb and we were feeling destructive (17 and dumb lol ) so he runs down the hill with his eyes on a wheelie bin... lines it up and gives it the biggest kick you have ever seen ... he then does two 360 spins in the air and lands on his head... cause being pissed this was hilarious we looked in the bin it was filled to the brim with concrete from a building site lol broke three bones in his foot...
didnt notice that till the morning after lol
Drunken bum that he is.

[Dingo]

/\/\/\ Only in Frankston would they sabotage the harmless games of Bin Soccer by filling it with concrete.

[Maxo]

i was 16, had a yamaha zuma, managed to crash it into a wooden bollard in a park carpark (was doing stupid things at the time).

Snapped my femur clean in half.... (10 minutes post accident police turned up, asked me why i was laying on the floor with one leg bent the wrong way, and fined me $100 for being naughty in the park), (then ranger rocked up and called me an ambulance).

still have metal in leg as i also managed to snap the titanium rod in my femur playing drunk rugby on the beach 5 weeks later . yerrrrrr

[Tjsurfa]

itianium aint what it should be lol
i have two plates with 8 bolts holding my pelvis together .. somehow manages to bust the front plate...( good sex though) lol
now have plate rubbing on raw nerve which is so much fun...almost to much fun some would say..
question is do i regret it lol not in the slightest

[Fozzy]

Well I had a good one today..

I am working on my mates car in my garage get stuck so my mate is on the way round to help. I think I will just clean the kitchen up while I wait.

Chuck everything in the sink (keep in mind I look and smell like a diesel Mechanic covered in gear oil) As I am wiping down the bench I slide my thumb along the kitchen knife in the sink and slice it to the bone..

So I wrapped it and got to the local medical centre looking and smelling like a dirty rock ape mechanic and they ask me how I did it. I say cleaning the kitchen.. Even the doctor laughed.

As a result I am now 6 stitches and a tetnis shot better off!

[cruelcheffy]

OK, here it goes.
I was 19 and in the army, chef, off course.
I was about to stir something in a steam kettle, which was about 1 metre high or so. Right at the front of it, at about 80cm height was a pressure relieve valve. As I leaned over to reach in I pushed the relieve valve with my crotch.........guess where the hot steam hit and went straight through my pants?.........that was cruel!

There was no sex that weekend, and the one after that!
It gave the word Pain a new meaning!

[BigTim]

I suppose at least then you had a decent excuse for sitting around, rubbing moisturiser on it, all day

[cruelcheffy]

Originally Posted by BigTim

I suppose at least then you had a decent excuse for sitting around, rubbing moisturiser on it, all day

Nah, I left that to my girlfriend at the time, it was the the best I could get given the circumstances

[infernale]

I have heaps, but i shall share only 2 for now. I have many more though, rest assured, i am a certified disaster zone. i will list them chronologically.

1)
Where my parents live, there used to be lemon orchards over the road. They had been abandoned and so were just sort of wild. Few orange trees in there too. Anyway, progress and all that - they were building houses over the road.

The sand had been piled up and such and there was one particular lump we were using as a bmx super jump. I say super jump, because it was about 6 foot high, and we were on el-cheapo bikes and lacking any skillz. We all went up and off and only one guy sort of managed to hold the bike properly, the rest of us stacked it. In my infinite awesome wisdom filled super brain, I decided that to better grip the handlebars, i should remove the grips and hold the bare metal.

So powering up i came, up into the air and bang - handlebars swung out of my hands and thanks to their no longer being any protection on the end of the bar, I impaled myself to the Y bar bit, not down where the sort of pivot is, but like, where the bit the grips go on sort of joins the bits that go down to the pivot bit. Deep. Fucking deep. In the instant that the pain hit me, the error of my idea suddenly also hit me. How could i have been so stupid. I feared, even my parents would ridicule me.

I went home, into the kitchen and found the first aid thing. I made it sound like i was getting a drink in case anyone was listening, whacked a bandage patch thing on the gaping wound, and applied loads of tape. Gaffa tape.

About 20 minutes later, back over the road, where i was now meerly watching, i was starting to feel a bit queasy. My friend Otto told me i looked a bit pale. I noticed my shirt was soaking wet from sweat. except it was actually blood. Anyway. I ended up in hospital with 6 stiches - luckily it missed all my major ograns.

2)
Another pushbike one - this is a tale of woe, indeed, men, prepare to feel the twinge in your nether regions that only the sharing of damage can cause.

I was now 14, a tender and wonderful age. I had been at a friends listening to music - that is not code for anything - and was riding my flash k-mart mountain bike home. I was going down a path next to an oval, and it was quite narrow. Coming towards me were two girls from school - 1 year older. Nice looking. I wanted to be all impressive, so i rode off the path onto the grass. I should mention at this stage, that the handlebars werent actually being held, rather i had my forearms on them, carrying 4 or 5 tapes per hand.

The lady's passed, i tried my best to look suave. I went to remount the path and my front wheel caught a gap between the path and the grass - normally no big deal - but with no grip on the handelabrs. BANG. Faceplant the ground, handelbars squaaaa in the nuts/groin.

Of course the girls heard the commotion, and turned around. I was humiliated. I got back on my bike and limped home. i went to the bathroom to examine the damage. I had a nice big cut on my chin, and a graxed nose/head. I cleaned it all up, then i got some ice, and was going to try and delicately sooth my manly area's, without touching cods/little fella, lest they freeze of and perform the old "turtle-into-the-shell" manouver in self preservation. My friends, there was blood. A good deal of blood. I washed it all off, and i had 2 injuries. One on my pubic area, just above the knob - big cut (2 stiches) and the other, no - not a torn scrot (apparently quite common) but a gaping gash (pardon the pun) on my knob itself. I knew this was bad.

About this time, my mum returned from the shops (school holidays btw, so no dad). I was ashen. She knew there was a problem so i had to bloody tell her. Off to the docs. As i go in, my mum INSISTS she is coming in, aint nothing she hasnt seen before, etc. I am now doubly humiliated. The doctor is an old fella, he says he has never before seen a torn knob. He says stitches are out of the question, so sewchers (sp?) it up. Now for the kicker. I am 14 remember. He tells me i cannot have a stiffy for 3 - 4 weeks depending on healing. WHAT THE FUCK!? what am i meant to do. NOT SLEEP!? then he announces that if i do get wood, IT WILL TEAR, My fucking dick will tear.Like it will grow. Holy shit. needless to say, no hardon for 3 - 4 weeks. The fear kept all urgres far away.

[bertie]

Originally Posted by infernale

He tells me i cannot have a stiffy for 3 - 4 weeks depending on healing. WHAT THE FUCK!? what am i meant to do. NOT SLEEP!? then he announces that if i do get wood, IT WILL TEAR, My fucking dick will tear.Like it will grow. Holy shit. needless to say, no hardon for 3 - 4 weeks. The fear kept all urgres far away.

dude i haven't laughed that hard in weeks.

My efforts:
1. did a long jump over a drainage ditch in holland at a metal festival while pissed. fucked the landing and cracked my ankle. had no option to walk it off the rest of the way round europe.

2. the night after drinking and talking about mega pain and the best painkillers we have ever taken i decided to dislocate my knee, tare 3 ligaments, tear 2 bands, kill some cartilage and tear the capsule. I can honestly blame it all on the cloud of red mist that came upon me in a windsurfing race.
Even better i did it in front of at least 1000ppl.
6 months and 2 operations later i still cant walk.
But the painkillerz