The Way of Motorcycle Ninjiutsu

By: Manzruin

part one

"When I am a master of motorcycle ninjistu, I will be as the housefly. The actions of the earthly world will unfold with liquid slowness becasue they are seen a thousand times faster than I had seen them. I will react and streak away from a car as a fly flees the clumsy hand- with impunity and grace."

--Rev-D 893



I want to be a motorcycle ninja. An unstoppable motorcycle warrior on any road and any motorcycle. As a moto-ninja, I want to be able to powerslide through a plate glass window, ride up 5 flights of stairs, wheelie through the solid oak door of a top floor apartment and jump the bike through another plate glass window onto a neighboring rooftop to escape a persuer. Maybe I'll never be able to do that, but I'll shoot for the stars and maybe I'll hit the flag pole. Either way, it's better than aiming low and shooting the neighbor's dog. In most cases.


I want to be able to ride any type of motorcycle in any type of condition. I want to learn to be an expert mechanic, a motorcycle engineer, a road racer, a drag racer, a flat track racer, an ISDT racer, a desert racer, a motocross racer, an mx-freestyler, a streetfighter stunt rider, a ramp jumper, a wall-of-death rider, and maybe even a board track racer.
A moto-ninja should be able to powerslide a full-dressed Goldwing, and maybe jump some sand dunes with it too. A moto-ninja should be able to drag a knee on a '48 Indian Chief, ride endless wheelies on a step-through Honda 50, or win a "slow-race" on an NSR500 GP racer. A moto-ninja should also be able to build all of these machines, as well as be able to maintain these machines with junkyard scraps if necessary.
Ultimately, the purpose is to apply all these skills to street riding, and building and maintaining street machines. I don't know if all of these skills can be learned in a lifetime, but it would take at least that long if it's possible. The aquisition of these skills makes the motorcycle ninja a lifelong student, reaching for goals that may never be attained. For now, I will prioritize the skills that seem most immediately appropriate.

COMBAT

Of coarse, in street riding, certain combat skills will be necessary to be a motorcycle ninja, and certain tools. To be unstoppable, one must be able to deal with a truly malicious and deliberate motorist regardless of the size of the vehicle, not just he typical unobservant and/or apathetic car driver. We all have ways we deal with errant car drivers, but these are usually things we do after the fact. After we got lucky and didn't get creamed, we let the driver know that they did something wrong, and we didn't like it. Removing an attacker's mirror is nice, but just a start. The first element of street combat is obviously defense. Sliding through cars' attacks, and predicting them in the first place is the basic starting point. Riding skill is the first and most important defense, but sometimes the moto-ninja must use tools. Particularly, when facing a deliberate and malicious four-wheeled oponent.

TOOLS

We all know that our motorcycles are our first and most important tool, and of course you must have tools to maintain the motorcycle--but this should be basic knowledge to anyone reading this. Combat tools is the subject I'm getting at. Most riders have probably heard of old bikers carrying bags of ball-bearings or even marbles. Depending on the speed of traffic, a proper ball-bearing counter-attack may be used to literally rattle someone's cage, or even to remove a car driver's traction for a moment. Take this concept a bit further, (using objects other than ball-bearings), and perhaps an attacker's tires may be rendered useless. Bits of razor wire welded into "jacks" perhaps, or maybe you can do better. Fabrication of tools is the moto-ninja's responsibility, whether this means finding a good way to carry a tire iron on your motorcycle, or cutting and welding whatever objects you know you may be able to use to defend yourself.


CHOPPER NINJIUTSU

Choppers are the fundamental starting point in motorcycle ninjiutsu, after learning to ride of coarse. Building a chopper. begins the student in the tradition of his ancestors, teaching him many basic skills of riding and fabricating, and forging a deep connection with the motorcycle.
The chopper can also be a serious tool of the motorcycle ninja, if the chopper's inherent advantages are exploited. While the traditional rigid framed chopper is bound to be a narrowly focused tool, the immediate thrust of the rigid and the low center of gravity can make the so-inclined chopper an excellent lane-splitting tool for attacking heavy traffic in dense urban areas. Most importantly, the chopper is the motorcycle ninja's vehicle of meditation, both in building it and riding it. The concept of balance would seem a prerequisite to riding a motorcycle, and art and expression are embraced by a balaced mind.

First do no harm. Cast away any malicious intents towards your four-wheeled attackers, and simply react as necessary.


end of part one.