Best insults - high brow

[Captain Starfish]

Sometimes I want to hurl an insult at someone and get a little tongue tied. Especially at work, amongst parentals or in front of the innocent little kiddies.

Help me out.

I'm looking for the best insults ever. This thread is HIGH BROW so has roolz:

- No profanity
- No racial/religious references etc

These need to be the kind of well thought out insults that you could use anywhere. Where the sentiment of the insult is very very clear but where I can't be busted/fired/executed for saying naughty stuff.

[Maxo]

Have you got a hypothetical situation?

[Desmo]

It all depends on the situation, I don't think you can have one single "atomic bomb" insult.
If you get tongue tied and can't deliver, maybe you shouldn't be attempting highbrow insults?

[Hazelnutty]

id insult you, but i know you wouldnt understand...
Posted via Mobile Device

[Dawn Keeballs]

I find you fundamentally unlikeable.

[blzbub]

My favourite is Winston Churchill's riposte when Lady Astor said "Winston you are drunk" he looked at her and said "and you my dear are ugly...but in the morning i shall be sober!"

Pure class

blzbub

[Captain Starfish]

Mmmkay, this isn't really trying to arm me for a scenario. I just want people to start hurling insults. But classy ones.

[Griff]

Borrow from Churchill, and Wilde CSF - real wit with slashing sharp undertones...

[Captain Starfish]

NOOOOOOOOooooo

POST YOUR OWN INSULTS. POST THEM HERE. ENLIGHTEN AND ENTERTAIN US WITH YOUR WIT LADEN CRUELTY!!!1!

[Aphex]

I couldn't give a rotund rodent's rectum what your opinion is.

You my friend, are perambulating the circumference of veracity.

[Bendito]

I always liked "I wouldn't want to enter into a battle of wits with an unarmed man" (or similar)

[The Saint]

Is this thread a Raffles-free zone?

[RT]

'your parents must have been related!'

stollen from here

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSEgeg-3ts0]YouTube - chopper read make dead shits history[/ame]

[THE GODFATHER]

I once used this statement to our GM:
Godfather: "Can you do this, or should I get my son in to do it?"
GM: "What does your son do?"
Godfather: "he goes to school, he is 10 years old, but he could do a better job than you."

[Kryzaach]

My Dearest Simon,
I write this not as a fellow forum goer but as a man who has tried to shape his life in your image.

I don't think I could have chosen a better role model to help me through the difficult decisions life throws at me on my journey. Your inspiration has been a guiding light when I am but surrounded by darkness.

What good would a life of aspiration be, without those moments of reflection, critical self analysis and guidance.
So, here I sit ruminating on all the changes I have enacted in my life since I met you.
I have begun to believe in myself, be positive about my physical state, listen to what others have to say, be helpful and polite.
Then it hit me, after all these years, I have reached the pinnacle, I am no longer aspiring to be like you, I AM like you....

Almost! I must, it seems, seek your counsel one further time.

I have taxed the very bowels of my soul searching for an answer to what I feel is the last question, the question that will complete me!

Why is it, when I have remade myself in your image, does my mother now refer to me as; A supercilious, porcine, intrusive, controlling, condescending twat with all the personal ambition of a children's crosswalk attendant.

Yours in anticipation,

Dave

[Aphex]

Is it not possible for you to open your mouth without subtracting from the sum of human intelligence?

[Wrex]

When you have someone who always tells that far fetched story, you know "Your bike may do 260KPH but my bike does 400KPH on the back wheel".

My favourite respose is.

"Shit mate I would have to lie to beat that story".

Some get it some don't those who don't look like utter tools infront of everyone else, those that do shut the fuck up.

[BERT]

See Signature VVV
No not the Hunter S Thompson one !

[Bendito]

Thread needs XS so bad.
I still laugh every time I remember him tearing apart that woman at the Tanglehead in Albany

[Dr. Venkman]

How dare you defile the human race with your vile presence?

You have proven to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that apes can be shaved, trained to talk and use cutlery.

My mother taught me to never say anything derogatory to someone, however you are starting to prove to be the exception to the rule.

Never underestimate the power of stupidity, it can make the unwary do some things they will later regret in life, to see an example look in the mirror and think of your parents.

Go and squirt lemon juice in your eyes, it's the only way we'll make you smart.


You are about as useful as a broken lightbulb


If I could leave your presence I would, unfortunately I cant, I live here