Best insults - low brow - NSFW

[Cap'n James086]

"Cunt" seems to be popular around here.

I prefer poptart.

[Scrap]

From text message sent whilst in a miisterial meeting:-

"Police just rang, they've found a burnt body. Only distinguishing feature was a tiny penis. Text me back that you're okay."

[Sentry]

I like the good old "Now thats a nice (insert car brand here). But I didn't know they made them for men"

[Phildo]

I regularly shit-stir passengers in the taxi that I drive. One particular very attractive young female passenger on Friday night was rather smart and not biting at my various sexist jokes.

During the conversation she commented that she'd recently had a baby.

I looked her over and said, "so, you got three or four kids now?"

Bullseye.
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A few weeks ago - three girls sitting in the back seat, all 19 yrs old and on the way to a nightclub. One of the girls was messing with her hair and made the comment that "she's got five fringes".

I looked back and said, "yeah, you look like a gay man." A facial expression of sheer horror resulted, whilst the other two girls were laughing their heads off.

Eventually, the girl has sourced a hair brush from one of the others and brushed her hair repeatedly.

Several minutes later I looked back at her and commented, "hey, I thought you said you were gonna fix your hair up".

The resulting look on her face was one of the funniest things that I've ever seen in my life.
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Three women in the taxi, all 30ish professional types. I'm yapping away to Sam, who was sitting in the back seat. She asked how old I thought she was. Figuring she was around 30, I said casually "38 or 39".

She went nuts. Her two friends were laughing hysterically. Sam was going off like a volcano.

"Sam, Sam", I said, "calm down... for chick pushing 40 you're looking pretty good."

Turns out that she turned 30 only a few days earlier.

[SzyCo]

"Fuck off and DIE!!" Simple but I find it effective "Fuck Arse" is another favourite, i think it was on a movie....

[Harro]

I like the old retort to "there's no I in team"

With - "Yeh but there's a u in Cunt though"