For funny emails/jokes/vids/pics - that dont deserve their own thread

[timmy]

I doubt the legitimacy of part 2, but apparently...

The Best Personal Firewall Online Armor

It gets better when the CEO for the anti-phishing software goes back to have another conversation with the scammer. It’s quite brilliant on both ends.

[3:56:08 PM] Mike Nash says: Any luck yet ?
[3:56:48 PM] Mr. Robert Dutu says: just 1
[3:56:54 PM] Mr. Robert Dutu says: for over three hours
[3:57:07 PM] Mike Nash says: Business getting slow for you?
[3:57:13 PM] Mike Nash says: May I ask, how much you make doing this ?
[3:57:47 PM] Mr. Robert Dutu says: be my victim and you will get to know how much i can make from you
[3:58:05 PM] Mike Nash says: (rofl) Very good
[3:58:10 PM] Mike Nash says: You’re a funny guy
[3:58:20 PM] Mr. Robert Dutu says: thanks (handshake)
I ended up chatting with him for about an hour - and I have to say, he was a funny guy. A criminal, sure - but he claimed he was from Ghana, and had been doing this for only three months. He even tried to get some money out of me - but despite how amusing the guy was, he’s still a criminal, and relies on trickery and social engineering to get what he wants - which is cash

[Spuddy]

Thats brilliant.

[Jomac]

New Page 3


make sure you let go

[Spuddy]

^ holy shit jomac
that actually works
i think i stared at that for minutes without blinking...

[Lex_Steele]

hmmm jiggly buttocks.

[Jomac]

Surprised you two managed to take eyes off to make a reply.. you sure you're males?

[Munky_Buns]

Did anyone else push it all the way to the top of the screen and try to look up from underneath?

[baxter]

BEST LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR & PROBABLY THE CENTURY


A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the
policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued...and WON!

(Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous.
The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also
guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire" and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss
of the cigars lost in the "fires".

NOW FOR THE BEST PART..

After the lawyer cashed the cheque, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!

With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning
his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA! NO WONDER THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THINK THE US IS NUTS!

[Desmo]

Um, no.
Up in Smoke! (The Cigar Arsonist) - Netlore Archive
snopes.com: Cigar Arson
CigArson

Did anyone else push it all the way to the top of the screen and try to look up from underneath?

[timmy]

A repost yes, but over 3 years ago now so get stuffed. Got this in an email today.

The Cheating Girlfriend: Apology & Response


Brad,

It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all for anything that happened, so I won’t even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can’t handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird, the world looked funny yesterday, I couldn’t crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can’t listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don’t know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn’t.

I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, I can’t imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn’t reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened. I am so sorry.

Elizabeth

—————–

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for your concern. I’ll be sure to file it away under ‘L’ for ‘Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn’t care less about’. You did a stupid thing huh? No…doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is ‘a stupid thing’; Mixing in a red Sock with a load of whites is ‘a stupid thing’; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you’re taking so long because you ate too much raisin bran that morning isn’t as much a ‘Stupid thing’ as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar. To be honest, I’m not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once, but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying ‘Well, I didn’t Fuck him’ somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn’t care less if the world ‘looked funny’ to you yesterday. Since your World revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I’m sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else’s feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don’t think you’re a terrible person, they just think you’re the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blonde who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS. I forwarded this email to about 100 people.

Talk to you never,

Brad

[polonY]

now thats what i call kama sutra

and fucking LOL timmy

[ZX-AAAR]

haha, thought you guys would like this

[Spuddy]

Billy wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she had a boyfriend.

One day, Billy got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex wit you. The girl said NO.

Billy said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend. So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.

She responded, "The bastard used coins!”

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

[Macca]

^ that is brilliant

[Sventek]

[HotelBushranger]

Hahahaha that's epic!

[ashmo]

^^ thats awesome

[rocky honda]

Did anyone else push it all the way to the top of the screen and try to look up from underneath?

do bears shit in woods off lol was disapointed when i could not see any more

[Dubs]

Holiday complaints:



• A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".
• A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she’d been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the “do not disturb” sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.
• "The beach was too sandy."
• A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.
• "Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."
• "We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."
• "No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."
• "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home."
• "My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."
• "I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."
• "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"
• "There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."
• "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."
• "We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."
• "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
• "I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."
• "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
• "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."
• "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."
• "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."


Dubs

[mickyjim]

Defence Attorney: Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady: I am 76 years old.

Defence Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defence Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defence Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.

Defence Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 20 years ago.

Defence Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: He began to touch my breasts.

Defence Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady: No, I certainly did not!
Defence Attorney: Why ever not?
Little Old Lady: His touching made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defence Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: Well, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now!'
Defence Attorney : Did he take you?

Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled,'April Fool!'
And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.

thought this suited the day.