For funny emails/jokes/vids/pics - that dont deserve their own thread

[Milo]

Im still confused... arent you meant to do both? Bangher and Leever?
Cheap and gets the required result.

[Sventek]

[rep003]

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[Sventek]

[Colonel Mustard]

Holy shit three blonde bitches

[Rob]

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Jeremy Paxman:

What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?

Contestant:

Homosexuals.

Jeremy Paxman:

No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you



BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston:

Where do you think Cambridge University is?

Contestant:

Geography isn't my strong point.

Jamie Theakston:

There's a clue in the title.

Contestant:

Leicester



BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White:

Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:

I don't know.

Stewart White:

I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand
and your elbow?

Contestant:

Arm

Stewart White:

Correct And if you're not weak, you're...?

Contestant:

Strong.

Stewart White:

Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

Contestant:

Louis

Stewart White:

Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What
A Wonderful World?

Contestant:

Frank Sinatra?



LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)

Alex Trelinski:

What is the capital of Italy ?

Contestant:

France.

Trelinski:

France is another country. Try again.

Contestant:

Oh, um, Benidorm..

Trelinski:

Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?

Contestant:

Sorry, I don't know.

Trelinski:

Just guess a country then.

Contestant:

Paris.



THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson:

Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books
about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?

Contestant:

The Conservative Party.



BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )

DJ Mark:

For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

Ruth from Rowley Regis:

I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?



UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

Bamber Gascoyne:

What was Gandhi's first name?

Contestant:

Goosey?



GWR FM ( Bristol )

Presenter:

What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963 ?

Contestant:

I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.



PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO�MANCHESTER)

Phil:

What's 11 squared?

Contestant:

I don't know.

Phil:

I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.

Contestant:

Is it five?



RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard:

Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

Contestant:

Forrest Gump.



RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard:

On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

Contestant:

Er. .. ..

Richard:

He makes bread . . .

Contestant:

Er . ....

Richard:

He makes cakes . . .

Contestant:

Kipling Street?



LINCS FM PHONE-IN

Presenter:

Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

Contestant:

Barcelona.

Presenter:

I was really after the name of a country.

Contestant:

I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .



NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Question:

What is the world's largest continent?

Contestant:

The Pacific.



ROCK FM ( PRESTON )

Presenter:

Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous
painting by Leonardo da Vinci.

Contestant:

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?



THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre:

What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

Contestant:

Magna Carta?



JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

James O'Brien:

How many kings of England have been called Henry?

Contestant:

Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER ... Three?



CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )

Chris Searle:

In which European country is Mount Etna?

Caller:

Japan.

Chris Searle:

I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I
can let you try again.

Caller:

Er ..... Mexico ?



PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )

Paul Wappat:

How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant (long pause):

Fourteen days.



DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Daryl Denham:

In which country would you spend shekels?

Contestant:

Holland?

Daryl Denham:

Try the next letter of the alphabet.

Contestant:

Iceland? Ireland ?

Daryl Denham: (helpfully)

It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?

Contestant:

No.



PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

Phil Wood:

What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

Contestant:

Er. ... ..

Phil Wood:

It's got two syllables . . . Kor . .

Contestant:

Blimey?

Phil Wood:

Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . ..

Contestant:

(Silence)

Phil Wood:

OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .

Contestant:

Walked?



THE VAULT

Melanie Sykes:

What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall
asleep at any time?

Contestant:

Nostalgia.



LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRM

Presenter:

What religion was Guy Fawkes?

Contestant:

Jewish.

Presenter:

That's close enough.

[T-roy]

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION

ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYMEWITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other--
that is until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl'sempty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING xD

[timmy]

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

HAHA! Love it!

[mekon]

http://uploads.ungrounded.net/192000/192820_tech.swf

[Barfridge]

Lots of random youtube stuff.

Been watching a heap of the D-generation stuff today.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rJtEP3XcHs&feature=related]YouTube - Undiscovered Masterpieces of the Cinema S.G.W.S.G[/ame]

Bargearse!
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzdHZq3U4M0&feature=related]YouTube - Bargearse- Part 1[/ame]

I completely lost the plot when I saw this!
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQEEoKgo26M&feature=related]YouTube - The Late Show - Toilet Break - Pot Luck - Todd Rixon[/ame]

Haha!
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35LBSwmAmYU&feature=related]YouTube - Tv news faint blooper[/ame]

strongest ladder in the world
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlgYQwf1Pug&feature=related]YouTube - Flex-O-Ladder[/ame]

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTVIoHum4w0&feature=related]YouTube - Houseboat Horror: Undiscovered Masterpieces of the Cinema[/ame]

[Shellkat]

Cats are sneaky.JPG

[Spuddy]

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You must kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes.. Take your wife and go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to beat him to death with the chair.'

MORAL:
BITCHES BE CRAZY

[NanoBear]

The Pope was having a shower. Although he's very strict about celibacy, he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the Papal wrist, and this happened to be one of those occasions.
Just as he reached the Papal climax, he saw a photographer taking a picture of the Holy seed flying through the air.

'Hold on a minute! ', said the Pope, 'You can't do that - you'll destroy the reputation of the Church!'

'This is my lottery win,' said the photographer, 'I'll be financially secure for life with these photos!'

So, the Pope offered to buy the camera from the photographer, and after much negotiation, they eventually settled on a figure of $2,000,000.

The Pope clothed himself and headed off to to destroy the images on the camera.

Along the vast Vatican hallways, he bumped into his personal housekeeper.

Being a bit of a photography buff, she noticed the camera and said, 'That looks like a really expensive digital SLR camera, how much did it cost you?'

Not being one to lie, the Pope replied, '....two million dollars...'

'TWO MILLION DOLLARS! ' replied the housekeeper, 'They must have seen you coming!

[Sventek]

[dave_p]

sorry if any reposts

[dave_p]

some more

[Sventek]

[Melchior]

[Barfridge]

that's quality!

[Spuddy]

HAHA
I wonder if thats legit.