For funny emails/jokes/vids/pics - that dont deserve their own thread

[Jomac]

Because Australia Day is coming up I thought this was timely. The following are results from an OZ-words Competition where entrants were asked to take an Australian word, alter it by one letter only, and supply a witty definition.

Clearly, you need to be an Aussie to understand.

Billabonk: to make passionate love beside a waterhole
Bludgie: a partner who doesn't work, but is kept as a pet
Dodgeridoo: a fake indigenous artefact
Fair drinkum: good-quality Aussie wine
Flatypus: a cat that has been run over by a vehicle
Matesh*t: all your flat mate's belongings, lying strewn around the floor
Shagman: an unemployed male, roaming the Australian bush in search of sexual activity
Yabble: the unintelligible language of Australian freshwater crustaceans
Bushwanker: a pretentious drongo, who reckons he's above average when it comes to handling himself in the scrub
Crackie-daks: 'hipster' tracksuit pants.
And for the Kiwi's amongst us:
Shornbag: a particularly attractive naked sheep.

[Rob]

Strailya Mate!

An Australian, a Kiwi and South African are in a bar one night having a beer. All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
'In Seth Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one
twice,' he says.

The Kiwi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
'Wull mate, in Noo Zulland we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass either,' he says.

The Australian, cool as a Koala, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and the Kiwi. He turns to the astonished barman and says, 'In Strailya mate, we have so many bloody South Africans and Kiwis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice.

[Dubs]

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.

One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.

Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit.

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?

(yep, you betcha, there is a moral!)

'When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks!

[XSorXpire]

That's a whole lot of coppers email addresses.

Anyone good at sending spam?
Would be a great way to get em back for all the grief they give us over our bikes.
Not that i am saying you should even really consider it.

[Munky_Buns]

Sweet... now we've not names and direct contact number for police all over the country!

[Murley]

Glad to be of service Most importantly we have the Dux of the Academy Squad, the cornerstone of VICPOL, with him out of the picture world domination is surely only several hours away!

[Kristy]

Obama article and strategic placement of veet ad farewelling "Bush" Great marketing there - someone deserves a payrise

[canadian, eh?]

^ genius!

[Barfridge]

[Kristy]

WTF? I think the act of putting out the fire hurt more than the fire itself
I've seen a clip of a dude setting fire to his pubes...

[dirtchucker]

I used to hate weddings the old aunties would pinch me on the cheek saying " Your Next " they soon stopped that shit when I started saying it to them at funerals..

[dirtchucker]

A drunk comes home carrying a lamb under his arm and staggers upstairs to his wife whos awake lying in bed reading a book he stands at the foot of the bed swaying and says " this is the pig l have sex with when you have a headache " his wife replies "That isnt a pig !" and he replies I wasnt talking to you....

[dirtchucker]

A son asks his dad the diffrence on "Theoretically " and "Realistically" its going to be hard son but I have an idea.... Go ask your mum if she would sleep with the milkman for 2 million dollars so off he goes and comes back with the answer mum said yes of course .... now go ask your sister if she would sleep with the newspaper man for 1 million dollars so off he goes and comes back with the same answer...well son says the dad there you go " Theoretically we are sitting on 3 million dollars but Realistically we are living with 2 sluts "

[Sventek]

[HotelBushranger]

Hahaha

[NanoBear]

[CameronU]

hahahaha!!

[russell.]

Wife won't let you go fishing?








Four married guys go fishing.

After an hour, the following conversation took place:

First guy: 'You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend.'

Second guy: 'That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I would build
her a new deck for the pool.'

Third guy: 'Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I
would remodel the kitchen for her.'

They continue to fish.

Then they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word, so they asked him. 'You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?'

Fourth guy: 'I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off
my alarm, gave the wife a slap on her butt and said:

'Fishing or Sex?' and she said: 'Wear sun-block.'

[russell.]

[Sventek]