The Nerd corner!

[Deano]

Alrightio, a lot of us work in IT, a lot of us spent our youth writing BASIC programs for Commodore-64, a lot of us are just geeks in disguise so I figured we need a place to hang so the cool kids don't beat us up and take our lunch money.

Rules
1 - No lolcats!
2 - I don't care that Mr Fuzzyboots is doing your techsupport - I SAID NO LOLCATZ!
3 - If you don't get this, don't bother continuing

<User1> Man, dyn.optonline.net just took a massive shit
<User2> Too much fibre in the network?

To get us started:
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?”
very long pause….
“Java.”
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
During the team building event of one of former Big 5 consultancies consultants were asked to tell three things about them and one would be a lie. One of participants says:

I climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro.
I pitched the first ball at a Padres game.
I oversaw the smooth implementation of SAP software.

Everybody with consulting background but even our customers surely recognize which one is not true. Am I right? :-)
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

[Bigmandazz]

Commodore 64 you were lucky I had a Vic 20.

They making a C64 looking pc nowdays.

[Aphex]

10 poke 53280,1
15 poke 53281,1
20 poke 53280,2
25 poke 53281,2
30 print "giphuqed!";
35 goto 10

[n00b_Ryder]

ok I know I'm stealing it from the simpsons but my ultimate favourite nerd joke is:
C:/DOS
C:/DOS/RUN
RUN/DOS/RUN

Next favourite
There's 10 types of people in the world
Those who understand binary and those who don't

[agrid]

58008

[Aphex]

Why do nerds always get Halloween and Christmas confused?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25

this thread = 55378008

[Bushido]

From bash.org. I highly recommend it for irc related funniness!

#334331 +(9668)- [X]
so my dad found my porn folder
and he was getting all pissed
so its all like "does this surprise you? i'm not stupid you know"
"i know dad"
"what do you have to say for yourself?"
at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes and say "Cocuments and SettingsRickyMy Documentsfaxessent faxes"
and he just shut up
what is it?
its his porn folder

<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis> :<

[likefry]

Alcohol and Calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.


Engineer and Manager
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The woman below replied, “You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”
You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.
“I am,” replied the woman, “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is, technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help so far.”
The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”

[jmoore]

Alcohol and Calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive.

Actually, some of my best derivations and proofs have been derived whilst under the influence of ethanol.

[likefry]

Yeah but there's a magical zone of only 2 or 3 beers in which you get better at maths. After that it just gets too hard

[jmoore]

Yeah but there's a magical zone of only 2 or 3 beers in which you get better at maths. After that it just gets too hard

I completely agree with this.

Also, on the topic of nerd humour, I just found this research paper.

http://www.cs.helsinki.fi/group/kuje...at/longcat.pdf

[Jasmineee]

A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies, "For you, no charge".

[Dets]

thedailywtf.com

[Captain Starfish]

Ah, well, if we're just gonna randomly point at websites:

bofh archives if you can find them.

[Deano]

Ahhh yes, Bastard Operator from Hell - I wasted so much time reading these wondering how many of those bullshit excuses I could pull on my users/management and dreaming about pulling the same pranks he does.
Bastard Operator from Hell index

Now back to the Nerdgasm, dammit!

I saw Thro wearing this shirt the other day - how true it is of so many of us, myself especially

By opening the box, we void the warranty. The warranty is a sacred covenant with the maunfacturer, who trust us to not violate the integrity of the product. This orange plastic seal is all that stands between us and anarchy.

I wish I could be your derivative so I could be tangent to your curves.
Hey babe, wanna see the exponential growth of my natural log?
Baby, I know my chemistry, and you’ve got one significant figure.
If I were an enzyme I’d be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes.
Hey, baby; wanna test the ‘k’ of my bedsprings?
Are you the square root of 2? Because I feel irrational when I am around you.
How can I know so many hundreds of digits of pi and not the digits of your phone number?

[Sonik]

ooh... Where's that shirt from?

Oh and curse you bastards for mentioning the BOFH, now I'm going to waste a lot more time reading that again

[Barfridge]

Sonik: if I had to guess, thinkgeek

edit: yup - ThinkGeek :: I void warranties
or cafepress - I Void Warranties T-Shirts | I Void Warranties Tshirts & Shirts | Buy Online - CafePress AU

[Sonik]

Winnah

Edit: I wonder if customs would steal an Airsoft RC tank... On second thoughts, It's a stupid question, I know I would confiscate it and make up some bullshit excuse before turning it on my co-workers.

ThinkGeek :: R/C Airsoft Battle Tanks

[Cap'n James086]

ok I know I'm stealing it from the simpsons but my ultimate favourite nerd joke is:
C:/DOS
C:/DOS/RUN
RUN/DOS/RUN

Next favourite
There's 10 types of people in the world
Those who understand binary and those who don't

Actually there's 10 types of people in the world, those who understand trinary, those who don't and those who mistake it for binary.

[JEM]

This reminds me of the early days of token ring networks where there was an network in and a network out cable. This was also before token ring hubs detected cable states so the all network ports had to be looped for the network to operate.

We has one "manager" who on a night time would constantly disco connect his fly leads before he went home to ensure that no one accessed his computer..... And as a consequence would bring his network segment down. So as soon as we knew that the his segment had dropped we went straight to his office to reconnect the leads, and left him a note not to disconnect the cable as it brings the whole network down. We also went to see him each morning to instruct him that he must not unplug the network cables under any circumstances, but he kept ignoring up.

One evening, when I got the call that the network was down on that segment instead of plugging his cables back in I went straight to the hub and looped it there, rather than plugging his cables back. When he came in the following day, he plugged his cables back in but could not access the network. After his call to the help desk (I ensured that they knew to assign the call to me), I checked his system and then explained to him that the way the that a token ring network works is to pass a token around the network so that the systems can communicate, but because he had unplugged his cable the token must have fallen out and was somewhere in his office, and that I needed him to look for a small round object that was slightly smaller than his network plug (thin Ethernet cabling). After about 1/2 an hour, I plugged him back at the hub and told him that I had found a spare token and that he was lucky we had a spare as a replacement was several thousands of dollars to replace and that it would have had to come from his budget as he was constantly unplugging his cables,even though he was co stanly being told not to.

We never had an issue with him after this.