Back to harmless dad jokes it is then....
My mate was taken off jobseekers allowance and was given a job by the dole removing the innards of fish at 5am every morning for the minimum wage.
He was ......................
(wait for it)
Have you guessed yet?
....................
gutted.
Heard this from a mate in UK the other day:
A government warning said that anyone travelling in icy conditions should take a shovel ,blankets or sleeping bag,extra clothing including a scarf hat and gloves....... 24 hour supply of food and drink de-icer, rock salt, torch, spare batteries, Safety triangle, tow rope , petrol can, 1st aid kit - jump leads .. . I looked a right twat on the bus this morning.
.
Fellas.
Save yerself 30 years of grief.
Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.
The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toilet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.
One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, opened my trousers and started to do the waterfall. A voice came from the cubicle next to me it said: `hello mate, how are you doing`Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied, `err not too bad, thanks`
After a short pause, I heard the voice again. `so, what are you up to`. Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, `just having a quick slash... how about yourself?` The next thing I heard him say was, `sorry, mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some daft c**t in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say`
Different from my understanding, but fair enough I will leave you to it.Originally Posted by xphread
My understanding of a Dad joke, was a joke so bad/groanworthy that its funny, and the type of jokes your Dad normally tells you that he finds hilarious. Strangely enough, my Dad didn't stop telling me jokes aged 10, and just because it is more risque than others doesn't mean its not still a Dad joke.
Just my 2c...
PS: For the record, I completely agree that the jokes on this page re: gang rape, c**t etc wouldn't be classed as a Dad joke and are more bad taste jokes than anything else...
Q. What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A. A Baboom.
If a plane crashed on the WA/NT border where would you bury the survivors?........................
Spell silk 5 times fast, s I l k s I l k s I l k s I l k s I l k, what do cows drink?......................
Spell roast 5 times fast, r o a s t r o a s t r o a s t r o a s t r o a s t, what do you put in a toaster?
Do you remember the good old days before the internet?
when arguments were only entered into by the physically or intellectually able.
Seems harsh, haven't they been through enough?
Bread, Hot Cross Buns, crumpets
#1 Gold Ticket Holder for the Barfridge Fan Club
Noted. We'll check back on that one in three years
98 BADASS TITANIUM BLACKBIRD - Past bikes 1982 XS250 Yamaha & 1983 CB750F with 900 motor
Ozblackbird.net Administrator
they usually work on kids
my kids are always groaning at my dad jokes.
Do you remember the good old days before the internet?
when arguments were only entered into by the physically or intellectually able.
When I was a lad, my dad would do the same, except it was ...
"It's a long way to the shop if you want a chiko roll"
I used to iinovate. Now ilitigate.
My 5 year old daughter came and sat with me in the garden, she asked "what's sex?"
I always said I would be totally honest when the time came so I explained the whole process in detail.
She seemed a bit overwhelmed so I said "why did you ask?"
"Mum said dinners ready in a couple of them"
This girl thinks I'm the father of her baby?!
Seriously, this broad is crazy. First off, I have to give you the back-story.
This all started a year or so ago, I met this girl at a bar downtown. She was with two of her friends, and I was with my best friend since high school, William (Billie for short). So the girl is pretty hot and she has a hot friend but the third girl was a pig. Long story short, the pig left and we each got a number than night. I've been friends with Jean for about a year now, and its been cool but shes been getting clingy lately.
So fast forward to last week Billie admits to me that he loves her and shes the perfect chick, all that stuff. Whatever, I kinda laughed about it and thought nothing more of it. Totally was atype of moment.
So tonight Billie stormed in my house tonight screaming, he told her that he loved her and she rejected him and told him that she was in love with me, he yelled at her and she told him she was pregnant with my kid. So he came over here upset and with tears in his eyes demanding to know what was going on, so i told him "Billie, Jean is not my lover, shes just a girl who says that I am the one, but the kid is not my son."
(stolen from another forum, not my joke)
Straight roads are for fast bikes - corners are for fast riders!
Still not forgiven
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
The happiest people don't HAVE the best of everything, they MAKE the best of everything.
"Dad, did you give Mummy a baby"?
"Yes my love, I did",
"Well Dad, she has eaten it".
If at first you don't succeed, dont bother taking up sky diving.
This unit is portable when carried.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam.
Q. Why did the man hit the fortune teller when she started laughing?
A. He was striking a happy medium.
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that went to jail for stealing a McDonalds meal but has now escaped???
Headlines read "Small Medium at Large!"
Be patient or become one.
PUNISHMENT
I'm a firm believer in capital punishment.
Straight roads are for fast bikes - corners are for fast riders!
A man goes to the doctor & says that every time he breaks wind it goes "Vroom vroom".
The doctor examines him & says "I have found the problem, you have a boil inside your rectum".
The man asks "but why does it go "Vroom Vroom" instead of the normal noise?"
The doctor says "Abscess makes the fart go Honda".
I ride my pushbike off cliffs for fun www.hucktoflat.com
The correct number of bikes to own = N + 1, where N is the current number of bikes you own.
Isn't "Vroom vroom" Mazda's catchphrase?
Just curious, but what part does the McDonalds meal play in the hilarity of the joke?
It all seems very redundant to me.
Posting Permissions
Copyright 2011 © PerthStreetBikes.com Pty Limited (ACN 127 435 858)
By using this website, you are indicating your acceptance of the TERMS OF USE
Technical Services by Parity Networks
118Likes
LinkBack URL
About LinkBacks
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks