Today's Dad Joke

[Munkers]

and I thought mine was bad

We do try my friend, we do try :-)

[Phat109]

two cows eating grass and watching the farmer work,
one cow lifts it's head and says "MOOOoooooo"
The other cow lifts it's head and looks at the first cow and sez "Ya fkn wanker, i was gonna say that!"

[Benno #03]

Bwa hahaha.
My Father in law cant help it when ever a joke starts with so and so and so walk into a Bar.
He say's "Well One of em should a seen it".

OK I'll have to contribute now.

His other favorite is.

What do you call a Mushroom that's been buying you drinks all night.

A "Funghi" to be with.

[bigsikkle]

maggie tabberer was busted for drugs at sydney airport yesterday , they found 6 kilos of crack in her underpants .

[Munkers]

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

[Old frt]

Gina Rinehart was allegedly the victim of a sexual assault last night.

Police are looking for a motive.

[Para045]

Gina Rinehart was allegedly the victim of a sexual assault last night.

Police are looking for a motive.

He was Japanese and like fucking whales?

[Munkers]

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

[Deano]

A guy is following an OfficeWorks truck when a box falls off the back. The guy swerves quickly out of its way and continues but police that are following pull him over for dangerous driving. The guy says "Officer, didn't you see that box fall off the back of the truck?" The Police retrieve the box and proceed to write the man a ticket. He asks why and they show him the box that is labeled "Thumb-Tacs". The Officer flatly replies "Tax evasion".

[Munkers]

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

[DreamTheater]

I've taken up a new hobby, snail racing.
My snail is moving pretty slow so I thought I'd remove his shell for some better aerodynamics.

turns out he's a bit sluggish

[Munkers]

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

[Barfridge]

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

Just don't do it in Cairo, you're be in the Nile

[PBF]

Just don't do it in Cairo, you're be in the Nile

Wouldn't happen.

[Old frt]

I've taken up a new hobby, snail racing.
My snail is moving pretty slow so I thought I'd remove his shell for some better aerodynamics.

turns out he's a bit sluggish

Fit the Shell with wheels, strap him back inside, paint an 'S' on his back....

Then just watch that escargot...

[Sarbear]

whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

anyone can roast beef.

[Munkers]

There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did.

[Mo-Fo]

^


A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom.
A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.
A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming
"What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells' "You're scaring the hell out of all my customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my nuts!"
The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

[bigsikkle]

how do you titillate an ocelot ? ......... oscillate it's titalot .

[Deano]

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.
As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!