My first attempt at writing a porn.

[XSorXpire]

This is the first draft, un proof read and unfinished.
I have to get ready for work, but i thought i would chuck it up here for you lot to have a look.


As a pool cleaner i see lots of beautiful yards and gardens, but i never expected this to happen.
I had been cleaning the pool of this family for about six months. On my first vist to the house a girl of around 20 was swimming in the pool. She was the cousin of the owner over on holidays. I worked around her as much as possible, she always seemed to swim to the edge nearest me, so i chatted to her about life. She was studying human movement and talked lots about hiking, running and fitness training.
She was very passionate about fitness, let me tell you. I love being fit too, so we hit it off straight away.
I had hoped to see her on my next visit, i was a little too shy to get her number on the first day. Turned out she flew home before i had the chance.
Low and behold when i walked into the back yard last week she was in the pool.
It was a freezing day and steam rose from the surface of the pool. As i walked in she turned, startled at first by the noise only to smile as she recognised me.
I put my gear down, she swam to the edge and we had a chat.
I excused myself to do the work i was paid for and she just stayed in the pool asking me about my life. The question that aroused my interest was one of whether i had a girl in my life. It gave me a tingle.
I finished cleaning the filter and put the lid on as she swam to the shallow end of the pool.
I watched as she ducked her head under the water, then smoothing her mousy blonde hair over her head she started stepping out of the pool.

She had a red and white polka dot bikini top struggling to keep her firm 'c' cup tits covered. Veritcal lines down down her stomach led to a pair of matching string bikini botoms.
My manhood swelled at her perfection.
From her big blue eyes, her even collar bones, her tight flat stomach and her athletic legs i could not find fault.
I noticed the cold air push her nipples through her bikini, she saw me noticed and giggled.
She stepped forward and grabbed me. "I'm cold" she said, her rock hard nipples stabbing me in the chest.
What could i do but wrap my arms around her.
She stayed snuggled in my arms for what felt like a moment, it had to be longer, as i had not noticed her start to shiver until she pulled free of my embrace.
She stepped back giggling, "you're wet, come with me", grabbed me by the hand and dragged me toward the house.
As i followed i could not help but admire her firm arse cheeks and they way they chewed up her bathers. Their were no visible tan lines.

The inside of the house was heated. About 26 degrees i reckon. It was warm.
She turned toward me just inside the huge living area and threw herself at me.
Her lips were so soft.
Her left hand went stright up the back of my shirt, her right snaked up the front. Her hands were so cold my nipples went rock hard too.
She ran her hands over my chest and stopped to tweek my nipples.

She pulled her lips from mine, smiling said. "Lets get you out of this top" and lifted my clothes over my head.

As she pressed herself against me again the damp bikini on the heat of my body made me groan. I could feel her nipples pushed into my chest.

With my arms pulling her in tight my hands searched for the wet bikinin strings. One at a time starting with the botom i pulled the strings. I had to do it one at a time as i did not want to let go and i knew the strings would stretch and grab while wet.
Each drop of water landing on her back from the strings made her push herself into me more.
Once the strings were undone i slid my right hand up her back to the base her skull. I closed my fist around her hair and pulled her away from me. With my left hand i pulled her top free and threw it to the floor.

Her breasts were firm, with no visible tan lines. The goose pimples were making the fine blonde hairs around her small areola stand proud.
I too by this time was standing proud.
I tipped her head to the side to taste her neck just as she reached down to feel my pride.
I bite into her neck, she squeezed, we moaned and my balls tightened.

She fumbled with my jeans, trying to get them undone. I stepped back, looking her in her spakling blues eyes, kicked off my shoes and undid my jeans. She did not hold my gaze, she let her eyes wander over my chest, my abs and ultimately my boxer shorts.

I stepped forward, pulled her close and kissed her passionately. She was stiil cold and damp. Her nipples like rocks.

We stayed there tied, not wanting to let go. She started to quiver, this was not the cold, but it was time to move. I stepped to the side and picked her up.

This place always had a fire going.

I carried her in my arms through the living area to the lounge. In front of the gas log fire was a large sheep skin style rug, soft and plush. These people had money.
I placed her gently on the rug, faced her toward the fire, slipped in behind her and kissed the back of her neck. She pushed back into me.
I allowed my hand to roam over her body until she grabbed it and slid it into her pants.
The wet cloth of her binkini bottom was in stark contrast to the warmth of her crotch. Her lips parted with ease, like a horse chewing hay she wanted my finger.
Not yet.
My fingers quickly found her button, not hard given how swollen it was. Her breathing quickened as my finger circled. It got shorter and shorter until she shuddered and moaned.
I knew i wanted to taste that.
I rolled her onto her back and gently removed the last of her clothing.
I spread her legs taking in her beautiful flower with my eyes, i moved between her legs and gently kissed her breasts. Her hands slid up my back over my neck and grabbed me by the hair. She started pushing me down. I kissed down her belly over her fine short blonde haired mound to her glistening pussy.
I kissed the inside of her thighs and the edges of her groin until she was trying to grind on my face. It was only then that i allowed my tongue to gently spread her lips, rising up to lick around her button. As soon as my tongue touched that spot her pelvis thrusted, nearly breaking my nose.

I cant tell you how long i stayed there, searching her with my tongue and then my fingers, but her juices were dripping from my chin. She taste so good i just wanted to keep drinking her love juice.

I felt her hands clutch my hair again. Her grip tightened as she whisperd, "Fuck me".
I smiled, and stayed put.
"Fuck me now", she repeated, over and over, each time getting louder.
I kissed my way back up her body and whispered "protection".
She almost growled as she threw me over onto my back and raced out of the room.
Just as my mind started to get confused she came back in.
She put her hand on my chest and puched me to the ground. She kissed my lips and then slowly kissed down my body.
"Oh my" she said as took my member in her hand, looking at it for the first time.
I felt the warmth of her tongue first, then the warmth of her mouth. As she started doing her thing i saw stars and fire works. Over the top of her gagging i swear i could hear the fireworks. This girl had style.
I could feel myself turning inside out, my blood pressure rising.
I had to stop her.
"No, no, stop stop stop". I cried.

She looked up at me with her mouth full, a devilish sparkle in her eye. She knew what she was doing, she reached over to the edge of the rug and grabbed the condom she had put there before going down on me. Unwrapped it and then wrapped me.

She straddled my body and started lowering herself down on me.
I could feel her tightness. She could feel my size. She lowered herself gently, stopping to lift herself to create room. She had her head back, her lips slightly parted and each time she lowered she groaned.
My eyes wandered from her face down to her beautiful full round tits, nipples still hard to her wash board stomach.
I was in heaven.
ONce she had taken me all in, she stayed there for a while bouncing up and down, until she lent forward pressing her nipples into my chest again.
She fucked me good, time to fuck back.
I rolled over to take the top.
From there it was my turn to impress, i picked her legs up, crossed them on my chest, rolled her over, rolled her back, rolled her again, there was something divine about her warm juices dripping from my ball sack.
This chick loved the fuck.

Any chick that loves the fuck you have to ask the question.
"Yes you can, but just be gentle" she moaned.

[Spuddy]

You had me as soon as you wrote the words "pool cleaner".

5 Stars.

[Kryzaach]

Not bad at all!, you might want to submit it to mills and boon rather than penthouse though

[Fastgirl]

The start to middle is a bit Mills & Boons...where I think it picked up..... ''I carried her in my arms through the living'' .......from there you had more continuity with the feel of the story. You have to stick to one format...erotica....or Mills & Boons type stuff. Erotica is more base in the descriptions of describing each act and the feelings of each person and what they want and proceed to do. This line.....''Over the top of her gagging''.....I would change to something like.....'' As I watched her take my cock into her mouth she looked up at me with pure lust, she knew what she was doing....as I watched her she worked her way down my shaft and took my tight sensative balls into her mouth moaning softly.......it was driving me insane...if she didnt stop soon I knew Id blow into her beautiful mouth......

or something like that. Also you have repeated yourself a few times...this can lose a reader in keeping the fantasy going, you have to keep a rhythm with erotic/romantic fiction writing.

I liked it though...well done!

[Ferris]

Marry me Col.

[Fastgirl]

Originally Posted by Ferris

Marry me Col.

Nawww.....

[Tin Tin]

hmmm not bad actualy. I was expecting some mediocre attempt with about 5 lines.

also

NSW = New South Wales

NWS = Not Work Safe

[Insane]

Not a bad draft effort..
A friend of mine wrote this story some time ago..
She even managed to get it published some where.
http://members.iinet.net.au/~insane/Roberta%27s%20Story.doc

[Lolly]

I haven't been able to read all through yet. Too funny. I'll keep trying though. (no offence intended - I've never been able to take a mills & boon erotica seriously)

[nath]

I can't get off with all you guys watching me...

[g0zer]

gah can't read it, imho change to a screen play and start auditioning actresses to star in it.

[Shai'tan]

Originally Posted by nath

I can't get off with all you guys watching me...

Yeah you can, there's video footage and everything!

.

Nice start XS. I can see more development and much potential. I cant wait to see the final product

[CitizenD]

I'm totally lifting that for the first chapter of my autobiography. The rest will be taken from Dumas and Phantom comics.

[Pono]

That isnt half bad... Good work

[dolph]

Call me a Phillistine... but it too wayyyy too long to get into.

[Lolly]

You mean you didn't get to the line 'like a horse chewing hay she wanted my finger'. This is gold! I'm still going. I'm loving it!

[CitizenD]

Dolph you tend to buy the scene compilation tapes instead of the actual movies, right?

[Lolly]

Phew, okay read it from start to end. Great work - if nothing else you could easily get a job working on the safe sex campaign for the Health department. I just hope this doesn't inspire Cpt Starfish to write porn. I prefer where yours ended up

Edit - just re-read the last line - oh nooooooooo!

[XSorXpire]

Originally Posted by Fastgirl

The start to middle is a bit Mills & Boons...where I think it picked up..... ''I carried her in my arms through the living'' .......from there you had more continuity with the feel of the story. You have to stick to one format...erotica....or Mills & Boons type stuff. Erotica is more base in the descriptions of describing each act and the feelings of each person and what they want and proceed to do. This line.....''Over the top of her gagging''.....I would change to something like.....'' As I watched her take my cock into her mouth she looked up at me with pure lust, she knew what she was doing....as I watched her she worked her way down my shaft and took my tight sensative balls into her mouth moaning softly.......it was driving me insane...if she didnt stop soon I knew Id blow into her beautiful mouth......

or something like that. Also you have repeated yourself a few times...this can lose a reader in keeping the fantasy going, you have to keep a rhythm with erotic/romantic fiction writing.

I liked it though...well done!

I hear what you are saying.
I've never been a pool cleaner before..
The gagging comment was based on the "Oh my" prior. She was trying to take all of it. (I never knew a chick could get your balls in her mouth too, i need to find me a woman with a bigger head and a deeper throat).

More base in description.
O.K.
I'll definately give it a go. Now i know i can get it up here (boom boom tish) i dont see why i cant be more depraved.

More base like this? \/

She was gobbing my boner, moaning like the slut she was.
I was getting bored, you've had one, you've had them all.
Time to take control.
I gently placed my hands on her head, then closed my fists around her hair and smiled.
I calmly pushed her head back untill i was just inside her lips and then thrust.
She gagged.
I withdrew just far enough for her to swallow and drove it back in.
Again she gagged.
I continued to bury myself into her face, ignoring her vomitis coughs, fucking her skull with my raging hard cock trying to blow the top off her head.
The warm drool dripping from her chin was now hanging from my ever tightening balls.
Grunting with each penetrative drive i gripped harder.
"You dirty fucking whorebag". I growled.
I pulled my shoulders back, held her face tight against my body and blew straight in the back of her throat.
Three mighty spasms and i was done.

Or is that a bit angry?

[millsy]

I'd just walk out of the cool room from stacking cartons of beer when a hot busty blonde walked in the shop front door, we'd been busy that night so even though I had been in the cool room I had still worked up a mild sweat and I lifted my shirt up to wipe my brow and missed her eyes carefully scanning up my body. "going up to the Pub after work" she asked cunningly before asking for her drink of choice "Sure" I answered oblivious to her hidden motives...

Wait are we supposed to make this stuff up?