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Thread: Turtle Trainer

  1. #1
    Administrator Deej's Avatar
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    Turtle Trainer (EXAMPLE)

    Hi...

    My names Deej. You may know me from movies such as “Please Stand Up” and “I got the Power”.

    I train turtles. I am the 3rd generation of turtle trainer in my family like my father before me and his before him. Turtles can live to be 150 to 200 years old so you can’t train them in one life time.

    I consider myself the best in the business so if you have a turtle you would like trained, I can take care of obedience training for all common species of turtles - other than the Horsfield's Tortoise (Testudo horsfieldii). They originated from Pakistan & Iran and tend to be a little suicidal.

    For PSB users I offer a 10% discount on all pre-mixed Reptile Food.

    I can be contacted via PM or Email at deej@perthstreetbikes.com.

    Deej

    So on the eight day, after wasting time faffing about with unimportant guff like heaven & earth & the waters & sky & creatures [& having a wee kip] & man.... God created PSB (GenesiSX-R1000)

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    Member Desmo's Avatar
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    I have a turtle, and he refuses to cock his leg whilst urinating.
    How do I resolve this rather embarrassing scenario?
    Many thanks.

  3. #3
    Dead man walkin' Davey's Avatar
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    what the shit

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    Member Desmo's Avatar
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    Nah, he shits fine.

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    Member sathid's Avatar
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    Is your turtle as old as this thread? I hear they can get very old. Perhaps arthritis is setting in? Incontinence would further complicate things.

    Perhaps you could put some piranhas in your tank, and then put your turtle in it. Bit of exercise would do him good.


    No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation to detail.




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    WTF

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    Member Scoundrel's Avatar
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    Deej my turtle is always very grumpy in the morning. What do I do with him? He won't sit at the table either and he dislikes cats.


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    Member Pricey's Avatar
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    How much to get it to cook?

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    Administrator Deej's Avatar
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    I have a turtle, and he refuses to cock his leg whilst urinating.
    How do I resolve this rather embarrassing scenario?
    Many thanks.[/b]
    Fear not this can be resolved and is a very common problem with turtles that breed in the Southern Hemisphere. Can you clarify for me the species or if not, that it is from the Southern Hemisphere?


    So on the eight day, after wasting time faffing about with unimportant guff like heaven & earth & the waters & sky & creatures [& having a wee kip] & man.... God created PSB (GenesiSX-R1000)

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    Member Mr M00se's Avatar
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    Deej, what new fun activities can I except from a fully trained turtle? Also what species turtle would be most suited to aquatic Jousting? Idealy I would go for a Leatherback turtle but they are proving difficult to source, being an endangered species and all.
    cheers

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    Member Desmo's Avatar
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    Deej, are you a turtle or tortoise trainer?
    As far as I am aware, the Tortoise has a huge lifespan, whereas turtles tend to have a lifespan of significantly less, 20-40 years.
    I actually have a Sulcata Tortoise (Geochelone sulcata) I believe they are endemic to Africa.

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    Member Billywhizz's Avatar
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    I think day time drugs should be banned!

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    Member xphread's Avatar
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    Deej, are you a turtle or tortoise trainer?
    As far as I am aware, the Tortoise has a huge lifespan, whereas turtles tend to have a lifespan of significantly less, 20-40 years.
    I actually have a Sulcata Tortoise (Geochelone sulcata) I believe they are endemic to Africa.[/b]
    Look, whos the turtle expert - him or you?

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    Administrator Deej's Avatar
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    I think u lot need to keep away from Google & Wikipedia....

    For some reason I get the feeling you are taking the mik out of my livelihood?

    My late great great grandfather would take great offence

    So on the eight day, after wasting time faffing about with unimportant guff like heaven & earth & the waters & sky & creatures [& having a wee kip] & man.... God created PSB (GenesiSX-R1000)

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    Member Desmo's Avatar
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    But it's turtles all the way down, right?

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    Member Ferris's Avatar
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    Ooo, a terry pratchet reference. Kudos.

    Work Buy Consume Die

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    And I missed it

    "The turtle moves..."
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    Every time i play with my turtle, he spits out a milky like substance... How can i prevent this???
    * I take no responsibility for my posts! The lil man in my head makes me type it...

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    Member Fastgirl's Avatar
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    Every time i play with my turtle, he spits out a milky like substance... How can i prevent this??? [/b]

    Get a baseball bat and thump it on the head everytime you see it twitch?
    Quote Originally Posted by Red_is_Best View Post
    hahah I hate it when they do that and you make some noises like you had it done just last year, then they give you that look, like you are a bad vagina owner and you should take better care of it!

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    Member Desmo's Avatar
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    Ooo, a terry pratchet reference. Kudos.[/b]
    Clicky

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