Turtle Trainer

[Hornet]

And the post whores move in to Deej's life...

[Fastgirl]

And the post whores move in to Deej's life...[/b]

sif you can talk. you camped on his front lawn biatch!

[Daise]

how can i teach my turtle to bring me beer?

[arwon]

Dear Deej the turtle whisperer,

Since i work away i am getting fed up with my Turtle leaving a huge mess for me to clean up when i return, I would be happy if my turtle could not leave out the dirty dishes, turn the TV off once in a while and get off his back and do some gardening.

I am at my wits end, (short distance i know) but any help would be great . Maybe after we sort these issues we can deal with replacing the toilet roll and not putting empty biscuit packets back in the cupboard.

[barfridge]

Training turtles is too easy.

I am a 4th generation porpoise trainer. It's big business. You know how every time you ring a call centre they tell you "your call may be monitored or recorded for training porpoises"? It's very lucrative and rewarding.

[Fastgirl]

u have waaay to much time on your hands BF.

[Hornet]

I'm interested in a total life change and am thinking of moving into another field of work. Turtle training interests me immensly. Are there any openings in your company?
If not, is it a hard field to get a start in?
Is there much competition?

[Brougham]

friggin hell hornet!

if i lend you my bike will you stop posting in old threads??

[Hornet]

Classic, mate, not old. There's a difference.

And Deej is still hard at work, though I'm not sure if he's still doing Turtle Training. I wanted some info.

[smeghead]

I heard Deej had turned it into a franchise, if anyone if looking for work; still plenty of good locations available.

[XSorXpire]

Dear Mr Turtle trainer,

I am having a problem with my turtle.
It would appear i have made my turtle head shy.
This is a mistake of mine i truely regret, in a moment of forgetfulness i disciplined my misbehaving turtle with a clip around the ear.
That was all it took to make my turtle (Tortilla) disapear into it's shell when frightened.
This is a problem when we go for our daily walks, you see when Tortilla is frightened and disapears into it's shell it pulls its head out of the collar and i am left standing (or walking) with an empty collar and leash.
The biggest concern is that i had it walking so well on the lead that i dont always realise when it is not there.
I get really embarassed when people point and laugh at me thinking i am an idiot walking an invisible dog. (Though this is the most common way to tell Tortilla is not there).
It is also hard to convince the children who find it that it is mine. I would hate to lose it.
How do i stop Tortilla from being head shy?
I would like to hand it down to our next generation as a well trained movie actor, but i have to get past this head shy problem.

Oh and how can i tell what sex it is?

I eagerly await your reply


Yours sincerely

XS

[Hornet]

You see, these are the questions I would like to learn to answer.

My first thought would be that a collar is not an appropriate tool for walking a turtle, as you have found. Something more able to deal with the coming and going of said turtle's head would be better. I would think a tek screw into the shell to mount a hook to, that you could clip your leash to would work.
The head shyness isn't somthing I have any clue about. Again, my first thought would be to attack this problem from the other side, so to speak. To make Tortilla think that whatever it was trying to hide from was behind it, stick your finger up it's bum. That should get it's head to pop out. A few times at doing this would probably teach it that retreat isn't the best defence.
Depending on how Tortilla reacts to your finger should also give you an indication of whether it's a he or she. With fervour and eagerness might suggest a female.

Or gay male.

[barfridge]

You turtle guys are weird, and perverted.

I'll stick with my porpoises.

[Brougham]

the irony is, there is a legit website for this:

Q: Can I put my reptile on a leash and go for walks with it ?

Some lizards can be trained to walk on a leash. I have
heard of iguanas and Savannah Monitors being able to do this.
You would use a cat or rabbit harness for the purpose.

Turtles and tortoises should never have their shells
perforated in order to tie them to a leash ! Not only do
they not understand the concept of a leash, the damaged
shell can get infected. Also, the shell is live bone, and
the procedure is not pleasant for the turtle, to say the least.

Taming and Training Your Reptile

[XSorXpire]

Oh. um.

Dear Mr Turtle trainer,

It would appear that my turtle has mysteriously developed a hole in his shell, can i seal it with super glue as i feel a bandaid will not stay stuck in water.
Is it possible to use an epoxy based resin to fill the hole.

I have no idea how a 5/8th hole appeared in my turtles shell.

Looking forward to your reply.

Your sincerely
XS

[Brougham]

Shell sores, hole in shell, bloody sores on shell.
Immediately remove the turtle from the water and keep it in a dry
environment. Give a 1/2 hour soak twice a day.
Sponge it off with Betadine or Nolvosan several times a day,
especially after the soak. See a veterinarian immediately.
Shell diseases need much tender loving care to heal, and it
takes months or years to clean it up.
Prevent it, by feeding a proper diet and cleaning the water.
You may want to apply a THIN layer of Silvadene cream after
putting the turtle back into its dry box.
Oil based antibiotic creams are good to put on when the turtle
is in the water but should be wiped of afterwards. I primary ingredient
in healing is drying out of the affected area. An oil-based cream will
prevent that from happening.
Keep the turtle plenty warm!

[QuietLil]

Why dont you just bring the damned thing home & I will make Cream of Turtle soup with it.

[jonnyking]

Is it safe to paint a turtle? i would like to purchase a turtle but the shells look rather boring.

[TORQ]

Originally Posted by jonnyking

Is it safe to paint a turtle? i would like to purchase a turtle but the shells look rather boring.

Should be fine in a nice 2-pak, but just remember to apply the TurtleWax after!

[TYSON]

Originally Posted by TORQ

Should be fine in a nice 2-pak, but just remember to apply the TurtleWax after!

See the problem with 2K is you have to bake it, so unless you would like your turtle for dinner i would not reccommend it.