HWTK - Friendship vs relationship

[Hornet]

About five years ago I met a very nice girl and nothing happened. Well, we're friends, so not what I wanted to happen happened, but I digress.
A few years later I started seeing one of her friends. Her friend didn't like that I was still close with the first girl. The first girl didn't like that I was spending more time with her friend. Their friendship ended. Quite badly. I'm pretty sure that had the relationship lasted a bit longer I would have been asked to stop seeing/talking to the first girl.
The way I saw it, though, was the potential for a relationship outweighed the possible loss of the friendship.

What I want to know is;

• Have you been put in a similar position?
• Does the potential for a lasting relationship outweigh the possibility of losing a close friendship?
• Have you been given an ultimatum about who you could be friends with, or even who you could start/have a relationship with?
• What happened?

Comic Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaans
Bored at work!

[QuietLil]

You are better off without those dramas.

If someone really likes you, then it should be for who you are.

If the relationship is to last, then trust should be the basis.

Once the boy/girl starts choosing your friends, it is a warning signal & should spell, Game Over.

The wisdom of my years leads me to this opinion.

Besides all that, I haven't known you for that long, yet. ;-)

[Desmo]

If neither of them can handle the other girl being present in your life, you are better of without both of them.

[Mirkz]

Yep, been in that position. Not the greatest but you move on etc.
In my case, it wasn't really fair that I was being friends with who I was friends with, whilst seeing someone else.

I'd say it depends who the 'friend' is and the history there as to whether you should choose relationship over it.


So far the decision I made has been a good one and I'm still happy. WIN!

[shan]

Sounds like drama , the he said she said crowd.
Drama sucks , life shouldent be that hard.
When things are right, things go easy.
Sure some bumps along the way (out the gutter people) but as Lil said , trust ,
lust and thrust also work well (ok ok back in the gutter)

[rharris]

15 year old girls are like that .

[Cam]

15 year old girls are like that .

This. I don't understand that kind of drama at all. Why should I get asshurt over somebody being happy with somebody else?

If an ex was to get together with a friend, that's great. I'd only be able to be happy for them both. Why try and harpoon somebody or bother with petty jealousy?

[Viper]

Some of my closest friends are female and when I first started seeing Mrs V she was not overly happy. I said they were here before you and they'll be here after you if you tell me I can't hang out with them.

Needless to say she quickly realised we were "friends" and that was it. One of them was a bridesmaid when we got married so all worked out

[bobinatcat]

I'm disappointed, I expected a Sid type thread

[Max Power]

Some of my closest friends are female and when I first started seeing Mrs V she was not overly happy. I said they were here before you and they'll be here after you if you tell me I can't hang out with them.

Needless to say she quickly realised we were "friends" and that was it. One of them was a bridesmaid when we got married so all worked out

+1 apart from getting married. Bitches be crazy. Esp those who are easily influenced by their younger immature friends.

[Bundera]

^WHS

but this is a Hornet thread, I read the OP and missed the part where he slept with them both at the same time

[Barfridge]

This is a Hornet thread, he didn't

[darkfibre]

Everyone is different.

I spent some time with a lovely lady that was on holidays from over east, and have kept in touch via MSN ever since. Recently she chatted about a new relationship which i thought was pretty cool (she is a top chick) even though she rides a Honda. When she told me it didn't work out, my first response was I hope both of you got something out of the relationship, for some reason she seemed surprised with my positive response.

[Chaos-incarnate]

You are better off without those dramas.

If someone really likes you, then it should be for who you are.

If the relationship is to last, then trust should be the basis.

Once the boy/girl starts choosing your friends, it is a warning signal & should spell, Game Over.

Game over indeed- when he started telling who I was "allowed" to be friends with, I left.

Still got my true friends, and gained a new best friend since then

[firewrench]

Wrong thread, sry.

[Spartacus]

Ditch 'em both - they both sound like control freaks, unlikely to improve with age. Get a dog (or two) instead.

However, I did tell a lodger to move out once when he pursued a friendship with someone who'd done me a significant wrong, so maybe I'm being a bit of hypocrite. I felt completely justified in saying "you're not getting cheap digs at my place if you won't respect my feelings', but there was quite a lot of batshit going at the time.

[optimal]

If someone starts telling me, who I can or can't be friends with, they get told to F#*k Off!!!

[Lolly]

What I want to know is;

• Have you been put in a similar position? - Yes
• Does the potential for a lasting relationship outweigh the possibility of losing a close friendship? - Yes
• Have you been given an ultimatum about who you could be friends with, or even who you could start/have a relationship with? Yes, my bestie didn't approve of me dating Spock. When we got engaged I was given the ultimatium. 4mths later I was married.
• What happened? - to us - well so far we are living happily ever after (except for the days we want to kill each other of course). Her - no idea. I do think of her though and I do miss her, but I'm not prepared to revisit the friendship.

In the situations though where guys have girl friends I do think it is tricky. At a very fundamental level can a guy really have a girl friend? OP is case in point - the deed gets down or at least thought about wishing it were done - right? This is why girls are instinctively territorial, like it or not, it is for good reason.

Ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip! Ok .............. flame suit is on

[Max Power]

^^^ haha getting prepared to get burned! ahh funny

[Rich]

You probably are right in the great majority of cases Lolly...

Sure guys have female friends...

But I seriously doubt, and this probably is true of women too, that they can have a best friend who is of the oppisite sex, that you are not trying to hit on...