Gippo's old man - Vascular Dementia

[Gippo]

Anyone out there having the unfotunate experience of watching an elderly loved one succumb to Vascular Dementia?

Anyone wanna talk about it publicly?

Might help us.

My ole man is 78 and had several "silent" strokes, kinda like little mini strokes that are damaging his brain. Its not noticible until they reach kinda like a tipping point where the compounded effect of the damage dramatically changes them.

My father no longer really knows where hes at and whats going on. I find I'm visiting the hospital less and less because I want to cling to the better memories of him, rather than have them replaced with the terrible ones that is the present.

Sorry to be depressing.

Gip.

[mekon]

Does he have moments of clarity is or is it a constant deterioration? I can't imagine there's anything pleasant. My Grandmother (maternal) had dementia in her last years and I know this was extremely difficult for my Mum when your own Mother doesn't know who you are.

[Gippo]

Does he have moments of clarity is or is it a constant deterioration? I can't imagine there's anything pleasant. My Grandmother (maternal) had dementia in her last years and I know this was extremely difficult for my Mum when your own Mother doesn't know who you are.

Yes there are moments of clarity - where he can have a brief conversation, but they are brief - like OMG hes fine yay, wait nope and sadness returns. Its cruel.

Sorry to hear about your mum, that would be a real falling down moment and I can't imagine what that would be like...but its coming....

[Huntsman]

Yeah my Grandpa had it for the last few years or so of his life, unfortunately for us, his suffering ended last year. Its hard to deal with but spend as much time as you can with him while he has some clarity, ask questions and the like, because you will regret not spending time with him when it gets really bad and he eventually passes on.

Unfortunately for me i was only 15ish when it started and too headstrong to sit and ask him about what he did in life, a conversation i regret not having now that I'm 21. You have to be prepared for a lot of stuff, and AFAIK it can go on for a long period of time or finish abruptly.

I would highly recommend still going in there, and either watching a game of footy (or similar) and just talking to him. Spend time with him while you can. Be ready for the long downward slope, and take the good days with the bad. Most of all remember him for who he was. I was fortunate enough to do the Eulogy at his funeral, as i felt there were many things that i wanted to say about him, which helped a great deal.

[mekon]

Yeah man, I'm not sure what the answer is as far as support for you, family and your Dad goes. There must be groups that meet to help each other out. It's usually better to talk it through with others that have been through a similar experience and see what they did to cope.

[devolved]

My step-dad was diagnosed with this condition 2 years ago. Its early days, and he is still 'high-functioning', but it is slowly slipping.

Its a terrible condition, and very tough on loved ones - especially spouses.

[Huntsman]

Like devolved said too, its tough on spouses, i watched my Grandma go through it too, you have to support them as much as possible and be there for them too. Stay strong bud

[Gippo]

Thanks Huntsman,

Was at the hospital tonight and it quickly became too much to deal with as Dad was convinced I was picking him up from work and taking him home. I SO wanted to put him on the back of my HYO and rip outta there like we were on a jail break. I had to lie to him and tell him I had the flu which is why I was crying and why I needed to go.

Its much harder to deal with then I ever imagined it to be. I can't even begin to explain how overwhelmed I am to have to accept that my dad has been gone awhile now but is still with us in the flesh - you wouldnt wish it on your worst worst enemy.....

Why am I sharing this.... I dunno...trying to offload it I guess.

[lee]

My granddad went though it, became extremely paranoid of even us grand kids etc, muttering hurtful comments and all that. Was a slow, depressing slide to the point he departed, and yeah, it is really tough being like that. My nan on the same side now has dementia too, and doesn't remember me.

It was tougher with my granddad, I was much closer with him. I'm not religious, and I'm skeptical there is such thing as karma or you wouldn't see so many undeserving people bathing in fortune and all that, but I still force myself to do it. You'd want your loved ones around, even if you were a jerk at the end.

[RIPLEY]

my father is 76, he was a Leeds United player and unfortunately his ankles have frozen from the training, it took a couple of monthes of inactivity for this monster of a man i worship to fade to a confused skeleton in a guilded waking coffin, it is heartbreaking and guilt creating to see your creator humbled and has made the euthanasia debate a personal thing to me
my only advice is to remember the times you were told to be strong, hold your chin up and never give up, to go forwards with strength and offer what was taught in return.
the fact is your dad needs you now, its not about you, you can do your grieving when the job is done.
dont ever let him see you break, make him proud till its over. then do what you have to do and repair your mind as quickly as you can, why?
because you are the top of the line to your kids, you cannot show weakness as they need strength.
Mate my every sympathy goes to you, im living it,but you have to be the pillar now.

[Gippo]

I hear you. Thanks Ripley.

I realised that breaking down would just make it worse. Having to lie about why I was crying really really sucked pineapple balls.

Hey, plus side is I discovered that you can ride really fast without your helmet visor when your eyes are like that, plus dries it up all good before you get to your destination......as if nothing happened.

[lee]

Have you ever considered you're insulting whatever intelligence remains by lying to him? Shit sucks, be honest about it.

[Wedge]

My grandmother unfortunately has dementia, its a very sad and debilitating condition to see. After a couple of years of getting progressively worse recently she has made some great improvements, I don't know what has changed but she now says thank-you and seems more "aware" of where she is rather then the little world she has gone too. All the best, I do recommend keeping tabs on him, my grandmother walked off on many occasions, once even escaping from the nursing home she moved into. Luckily Perth is a small town and someone recognised her walking along the road.

[Gippo]

Have you ever considered you're insulting whatever intelligence remains by lying to him? Shit sucks, be honest about it.

Dude thanks for your comments, but its not like that. I didn't want to alarm him. Last time he saw me like that I had a stack of books down my pants because I was about to cop it sweet for being a little shit at school.

[RIPLEY]

thats the way mate, your the CEO now, dont let the board down.
my bars always stocked and ill trade you Dad tales whilst i scream at my son!

[Gippo]

thats the way mate, your the CEO now, dont let the board down.
my bars always stocked and ill trade you Dad tales whilst i scream at my son!

When all settles, I am so going to bring some great rum over and take you up on that....

[filbert]

Tough one to go through dude, i watched it with my great grandmother and now my grandmother both at around the same age, it's a painful process but hopefully your investment now will see a return if you ever end up in the same situation, at least some good karma and knowing you have done all you can should help you through the harder times to come .

As others have said it sucks, its painful but it's not about you, even if they're barely coherent or living a generation or more in the past and think you are your grandparent or uncle or some such the confusion would be hard enough to deal with, they need you to hold it together and help them to keep hold of whatever dignity they have left.

Little white lies are one thing and sometimes a necessity to help keep them calm while they work out things aren't what they seemed but will still be ok, but going along with something because it makes you uncomfortable can give false hope and lead to them being more upset.

Stay strong.

[stevo 1963]

Was speaking to a doctor last year about this and he said its hard for the patient at first but its much worse for family as it progresses.
A really tough time for you ...best wishes to you and your family

[waikiki]

Gippo, the best thing you can do, you have already done mate and that is talking about. As you can see you see you are definately not alone. I haven't been down the dementia path but I did see the terrible side effects some medication can have, my old man had parkinsons and later into it the meds fucked him up quite a bit....very sad to see him in adult nappies strapped into a chair and telling me he wants to come home. Memories like that will last forever, but I can choose what memories I like best. Also you will find there are good days and bad days with your dad, mine went from not remembering who I am, to being a very proud grandad when he first laid eyes on his grandaughter for the first time. Anyway, enough of my shit, keep your chin up gippo and don't be afraid to talk about it.
PS. One thing to remember Gippo, no matter what happens, the world doesn't stop, for anyone or anything it just keeps turning, so as bad as things may seem, life goes on and has to be lived.

Dave

[QuietLil]

Husband had Alzheimers, eldest son has Parkinsons. I feel your pain.

Give him your time,understanding & love. Hold dear the moments you have together.

Most of all, share your pain; it helps to soften the lump that grief builds in your heart.

My thoughts are with you.