PTSD - who has experience?

[n00b_Ryder]

Hey guys,

I'm after a serious discussion on this one. I know it often turns into a jokes and stuff, and my sense of humour is as good as the next person, but preferably not on this topic if that's ok.

Well ever since the 2003 Canberra bushfires engulfed my suburb I've had PTSD.
Just to give you an idea of what it felt like if you've never been in amongst a fire - pt_bushfire_ent-lead__200x242.jpg this is my dad in our backyard.

Now I don't want to go into the whole massive story but just in very basic terms, I was only 14 at the time, all the authorities said we'd be fine and then about 10 minutes later our whole suburb was on fire.

Earlier in the day (I have no idea of time that day because everything was so dark I remember it to be night time but it was more like lunchtime I think) my brother went to help a friend in a forest settlement so he had disappeared. Then we were hearing reports of bodies found in there.

Then as it got really hectic, my mum decided to take me away and dropped me at a friend's house thinking we'd be safe. Because we had no idea of the scale of this fire, that wasn't the case and my friend's house got evacuatd too. So being without my brother and parents I think has caused a bit of separation anxiety too. I'm way better now and live on the other side of the country to them but I have such a huge fear of losing people I'm close to.

Anyway, the reason I bring it up today is because I had a really bad reaction to seeing a small fire. For about a year after the fires I couldn't even stand near a bonfire or have a candle in my room. With therapy and what not I'm way better now. I still get a bit worried if I know there's one near us. I get that immediate adrenaline hit, the heart starts beating, breathing rate increases, and I just freeze for a sec. Then I'm totaly back in control.

But today, I saw a fire on Tonkin next to Champion Lakes and there was no choice but to drive past it o get to my partner's place. And I just completely lost it, before I even knew what was happening, I could hardly breathe and was almost crying and just panicking. It took A LOT to get myself back under control

So my question is, do you ever get over it? Do you ever stop reacting to this stress?
Even when you think you're past it all, will it always still creep up on you?

aaaaand I'm done!

[ReCon]

PTSD is serious stuff , and no one asking for help needs any piss taking!

I know a little but am in no way qualified to give you any advice right now , but there are crew here that will be able to help you. If they give you a pm as to what help is available, TAKE IT!

Don't let it take hold of you , do what you can and get help. Good luck mate.

[Rhinosaur]

sounds like you have a handle on it.

Much smaller scale, but i had a decent bike crash a few years back, and remember wigging out a bit the first time i drove past in a car...
after that i just "remember" it everytime i go past.

If i am riding, i get tense going thru that stretch, and feel relieved afterwards, but nowadays, if i was busy or chatting i think i would ride/drive right past without a thought.

much smaller scale, but like i said. its seems you can rationalize it pretty quick.

it will always be with you, that how we learn. thats how we suvive.

[Desmo]

Again, much smaller scale but one of my first jobs as a firey was to cut a guy out of his L300 van.
He'd put it straight into a power pole and stoved the front in, doing a pretty good job of wrapping his now fucked legs around the pedals, steering column and everything else you find under the dash.
It took us hours to pull the front of his van apart (in between his moans of pain), but when it came time to extricate his shattered legs from the pedals, he would make this unholy scream every time we moved him or cut something out of the way.
For about 3 or 4 years afterwards, every time I heard the screech of tyres, I heard this guy screaming instead.
Still do every now and then, it's funny how the brain works.
I've seen much worse since, "crispy critters" (burnt dead people), electrocutions, horrible suicides that probably should have affected me more but somehow this one stuck with me.
I guess you just have to rationalise it the best you can.

[filbert]

Sounds like you're still getting stronger every day and have pretty good control of your physical and emotional responses in spite of what you've been through, my personal experiences invoke more of a fight/rage response than flight or panic reaction but I'm still hit with the same adrenaline rush and overwhelming anxiety when triggered 15 years on.
You're on the right track and will recover at your own rate in your own time, keep up the good work and be proud of how far you've come

[n00b_Ryder]

I really appreciate the replies and PMs guys.

I think I was just shocked yesterday at how much it affected me after years of doing so well. I think the last time I full on panicked like that was during the victoria fires but that was some years ago, and I think I was still in the process of "getting better" as such.
I am thinking about talking to a professional about it, if it can still creep up like that I've got to know I can get a handle on it every time.

The other thing I thought of last night is that I'm on my way to becoming a paramedic and after July, I'll be out on the road. So I wonder if something like a car fire would trigger it. I think probably not because it's not te same thing, and fire in general doesn't trigger it. But I guess I'll deal with bushfire victims as well given that we live in dry ol' Aus... it's inevitable.

Thank you again for responding, I just couldn't believe it had hold of me like that for a while when I'd done so well in the past

be proud of how far you've come

I definitely am that

[Mazimbwe]

I still have a few issues around particular triggers after 13yrs but the reaction is not as intense as it was...good luck in your fight.

[filbert]

Definitely talk to the pro's, it's a healing process and sometimes you'll need a helping hand through things, you may find becoming a paramedic helps you become even stronger being able to take some control of the outcome and calculate your exposure to risk, which you could not do when you were 14.
You can push yourself past some things when someone is relying on you but you'll be the one who decides what you can and can't cope with and when you need help along the way, good luck with your career path, we always need good ambo's

[Twigs]

I get really bad anxiety around or being in my old High School. I'd go there to watch performances after I left or be part of them when the school band and our concert band combined.
I'd walk down the hallway and start freaking out. Being out side of it was the worst though, the court yard and the gymnasium. Just the memories I'd spent so long trying to get rid of. The abuse I received everyday, just came flooding back and i couldn't handle it.
Even having to drive past it now or walk on the path way around it I get a shiver down my spine and the memories haunt me again....

However, this is piss weak compared to what you guys have been through.

[filbert]

I wouldn't say piss weak twigs it's all relative to your own limits, what you find crippling trauma some will laugh off as part of life yet put a spider or snake in front of them and they'll have some idea how you feel while you wonder what all the fuss is about, we all have different comfort zones and coping skills or strategies for when we're forced to confront something outside that comfort zone.

[D'Artagnan]

We were there through the fires and luckily for us it missed (but it was very close). Two of our good friends on Eucumbene Drive lost the lot and their kids are still going through what you're talking about. My only advice to get professional help from qualified people and not to bottle it up (which it looks like you're not - well done).

[Desmo]

Join the volunteer fire brigade.

[Aji]

I had a similar traumatic event when I was 7. We were living in Indonesia and there were some civil war-type issues. It came to a head in the middle of our school performance, in the town hall. Big rocks were thrown, glass went everywhere, there was a flock of very angry natives outside, and the men ran around closing curtains and tipping tables for everyone to shelter behind. I was in a crowd of people, I couldn't find my sister or my family, the rocks hitting the windows sounded like explosions, and I just had to sit next to my best friend and her family hoping everyone was okay.
I ended up displaying some minor, quirky signs of anxiety (popping my nose without any reason was the worst, also picking scabs and pulling at bits of my hair). I got over most of it by the time I was 12, just took a bit of time (and a lot of personal effort to not look like a weirdo in public!).

Unfortunately when I was 15 I had a more personal experience that caused me some trauma. Picked up massive anxiety issues again, sunk into some depression, and ended up seeing someone about it. It was the best decision I've ever made. Still took a couple of years, but I think the progress was much faster than it would have been if I did it alone. I also learnt valuable ways to cope with anxiety and stress. Although I'd never realised it beforehand, I was a pretty high-strung person and am now so much more happy and relaxed.
Some things still linger. I get a little anxious whenever I get a phone call, and I dislike eating fish and chips. But stuff like that is pretty minor and doesn't bother me

I think it sounds like you're dealing with it really well, and a lot of it is just time. But I'd still recommend seeing someone since it helped me so much. Even if you just go once or twice to see what you think!
Most of all, you have to remember that you're strong and you can get through it, and you can be proud of how far you've come.

[Rhinosaur]

Join the volunteer fire brigade.

WHS.

Ask to do a few ride-alongs with the firies if they do it?

[n00b_Ryder]

Thanks again for the replies and PMs everyone.

Do the firies do ride-alongs? I'd just be afraid I'd totally panic and get in their way. But I might investigate this

I've had some suggestions of people to see so I think I'll work on that first.

I was thinking 'what's the point in seeing someone if it only pops up once in a while' but I realised that if you asked me to tell he whole story of that day...I probably couldn't without crying or having to stop at certain places. I did A LOT of work on it in therapy but I still hate talking about it out loud.

[Sventek]

One of my psychs does EMDR, and it's been pretty impressive so far with PTSD. PM me if you'd like more details.

[bootneck]

I personally found that to clinicalise it helped a lot. You becoming an ambo should help support the face to face councilling as you will have more knowledge of how the human body reacts to things which means you will better be able to identify those feelings in yourself and just accept that as normal human reaction to the memory and hopefully be able to stop your brain from over reacting. I found that knowing this has helped immensely in dealing with my pet demons. You control them they don't control you. You are on the right path from what you say I wouldn't expect you to have any different issues than any if the others in your school. We need more ambos and your experience may make you empathise more than some. ;-) just remember it is all good character building stuff!!!;-)

[nvidia20082008]

Hi n00b_Ryder, I had PTSD in 2003 as well because of getting lost on a mountainside in New Zealand. It's the unexpectedness of it all. I was snowboarding, went up the lift, then coming down, I followed some people off-track... it seemed like a cool little ski run that maybe wasn't used so much. Hard to tell because there was tons of snow and the day before they were doing controlled avalanches so the runs were not really clearly marked. So I saw some people go off to that run, I followed them. Long story short in 15 minutes I suddenly found myself on the side of the mountain, it was 3pm, started to snow, no one in sight, no track whatsoever, backcountry without beacon, GPS, phone connection, knee-deep in thick snow. I paused for a while, sat down, and thought I was going to die. Decided to dump the snowboard, somehow went into a "Lord of The Rings" fantasy and followed some footsteps I found and in 15 minutes found myself at the bottom of the mountain where the parking lot was.

The thing about dying was the feeling of embarassment, stupidity and the fact that no one would really know where I am because at that time I didn't communciate well with my parents and was arguing with them about several things.

A year or two later and it became clear around 2000 I developed the start of bipolar disorder type 2. This episode in 2003 led to some form of PTSD which accelerated or precipitated worsening bipolar.

So, this is no laughing matter. Sventek is the man here, he can recommend psychiatrists and psychologists. My personal experience is a combination of psychiatry and psychology is best. Medication has been helpful for me, though it took many years to find the right mix.

Nothing to be too alarmed about, Australia has a great environment and very helpful, affordable resources. Personally I would see your GP, then see a psychologist and psychiatrist.

Yes, over time, you will encounter less anxiety and panic attacks, as expected should the psychology and psychiatry be going along as expected.

I used to have issues where for example I'd be sitting in a small theatre where a play was happening and I'd feel like I needed to pee but can't go anywhere, then get really anxious and start to panic. I'd be sitting also in a retail job and there'd be tons of customers and I'm in charge of the store, and I'd fully panic thinking I cannot leave and am trapped.

Once you get better you will realise the irrationality of the situation but the importance of appropriate therapy and if needed, medication, that will slowly get you moving ahead.

I didn't have particular aversion to snow, but by the next time I went up the mountain in 2006 just to chill with my parents (Mt Hotham in Victoria) I had already been on therapy (medication and psychology treatment).

In your case, as a layperson, I think fire is a fundamental element of nature and life so that's perhaps why it is something more critical to address in your case, besides PTSD, anxiety and any other issues.

It's great that you have caught this early and don't delay. It's not a moral weakness or silliness or anything like that.

We never know when the next panic attack might happen but over time you will build confidence and perhaps in this case (again, not medical advice) if you slowly expose yourself more and more to fire you'll know what precautions to take and how to manage it.

It's taken me many years but I was able to handle my car in Malaysia with the back third smashed, drunk drivers around in the middle of the night, corrupt police officers, tons of scammy tow truck operators bombarding me with their services, and while under the legal blood alcohol limit, facing the possibility of criminal charges because I braked very suddenly at a red light.

Yet I was able to get through that. A few years ago I would just probably sit in a corner and be catatonic. It's like that situation where you can hear and see and understand things going around you but you literally cannot really move, breathe, talk or just repeat stuff to yourself or pace endlessly.

So, seek professional help early, and it sounds like you have a very good chance, to me, of adequate recovery.

Perhaps also this is the first time you were really faced with the possibility of death and that's something to go through.

For me, if I get hit by a car tomorrow I'm ready to go, the only sucky thing would be if I'm in a wheelchair, but even then, in Australia, disabled people have a decent enough chance of reasonable quality of life.

All the best mate.

Hey guys,

I'm after a serious discussion on this one. I know it often turns into a jokes and stuff, and my sense of humour is as good as the next person, but preferably not on this topic if that's ok.

Well ever since the 2003 Canberra bushfires engulfed my suburb I've had PTSD.
Just to give you an idea of what it felt like if you've never been in amongst a fire - pt_bushfire_ent-lead__200x242.jpg this is my dad in our backyard.

Now I don't want to go into the whole massive story but just in very basic terms, I was only 14 at the time, all the authorities said we'd be fine and then about 10 minutes later our whole suburb was on fire.

Earlier in the day (I have no idea of time that day because everything was so dark I remember it to be night time but it was more like lunchtime I think) my brother went to help a friend in a forest settlement so he had disappeared. Then we were hearing reports of bodies found in there.

Then as it got really hectic, my mum decided to take me away and dropped me at a friend's house thinking we'd be safe. Because we had no idea of the scale of this fire, that wasn't the case and my friend's house got evacuatd too. So being without my brother and parents I think has caused a bit of separation anxiety too. I'm way better now and live on the other side of the country to them but I have such a huge fear of losing people I'm close to.

Anyway, the reason I bring it up today is because I had a really bad reaction to seeing a small fire. For about a year after the fires I couldn't even stand near a bonfire or have a candle in my room. With therapy and what not I'm way better now. I still get a bit worried if I know there's one near us. I get that immediate adrenaline hit, the heart starts beating, breathing rate increases, and I just freeze for a sec. Then I'm totaly back in control.

But today, I saw a fire on Tonkin next to Champion Lakes and there was no choice but to drive past it o get to my partner's place. And I just completely lost it, before I even knew what was happening, I could hardly breathe and was almost crying and just panicking. It took A LOT to get myself back under control

So my question is, do you ever get over it? Do you ever stop reacting to this stress?
Even when you think you're past it all, will it always still creep up on you?

aaaaand I'm done!

[nvidia20082008]

I definitely wouldn't do it STRAIGHT AWAY. It's a neat idea but you should have some initial contact with psychiatrists and psychologists. I lasted through 2003-2004 without any professional help, and while I some how made it through, by the end of 2004 I was such a mess that it was very clear I needed proper professional help.

I wouldn't advise doing anything yet in regard to tackling the fear until you seek professional help. It can indeed make it worse.

Thanks again for the replies and PMs everyone.

Do the firies do ride-alongs? I'd just be afraid I'd totally panic and get in their way. But I might investigate this

I've had some suggestions of people to see so I think I'll work on that first.

I was thinking 'what's the point in seeing someone if it only pops up once in a while' but I realised that if you asked me to tell he whole story of that day...I probably couldn't without crying or having to stop at certain places. I did A LOT of work on it in therapy but I still hate talking about it out loud.

[n00b_Ryder]

Thanks. It took me about a year or so but I did seek help. I had a psychologist when I lived in Canberra and that was great.

There are other factors that have led to me seeing drs, psychs, having meds etc etc in the past. Most of that's ok now so I'm not really going down that road again.

I'm still thinking about seeing someone about the PTSD but to have one major panic attack in the last couple of years I'm not really sure deems full on therapy. I've been recommended (by awesome people here, so, thank you!) a couple of people who deal with PTSD in particular so I might just chat to them about the fact that it crept up on me after so long of mostly being fine with it. I think that was the main thing that concerned me