relationship help/advice

[kenty]

hey all,

im at a point in my life which i have never being before, and im lost at what to do, basically i have being in a relationship for a little short of 6 months now, and i thought i had found to perfect person, we like the same things do the same things, even "loved" each other up until i was told some information last night.

a little back story about 6-7 weeks ago i developed a cyst on my tailbone and had it operated on leaving me with a sore arse for quite some time, just as i was getting well from that i ended up getting tonsillitis which again knocked me out for a week and a bit, i expect to get some "weak cunt" shit for this, but i wasnt really healthy enough to have sex, so i didnt.

i found out last night, when i was bed ridden i think during the tonsillitis, that said person had activily texted another person order for sex, they both agreed and met up, it was only at the stage before clothes started coming off that my partner felt bad and stopped appererantly because they felt guilty about what they were doing.

i guess what i want to know is what should i do, im absolutely lost and i feel like shit, i feel like the time, money, effort, love i have put in have been for nothing, handing in my man card here but i have broken down at work, im a fucking wreck

[The Saint]

Are you asking about whether you should end the relationship with this person?

How reliable is your source? Would be a bad move to make a rash decision on the basis of hearsay.

Have you confronted her?

[Barfridge]

oh shit, that's pretty fucking rough

[darkfibre]

You need to sit down with the lady and talk about it.

[kenty]

Are you asking about whether you should end the relationship with this person?

How reliable is your source? Would be a bad move to make a rash decision on the basis of hearsay.

Have you confronted her?

the source is my partner, apparently the guilt was to much and it was all confessed last night

[Desmo]

Did she root the other guy?
If not, I'd say big fucking props to her for having an itch, going to scratch it and then backing out.
Telling you is, again, a HUGE thing to do. She could have kept her mouth shut and no one would have been any wiser.
What she started was wrong, how she finished it is admirable.
She owes you a LOT of blowjobs though.

[darkfibre]

She had the courage to back out of the meeting with the other person, and has owned up. Seems she does care about you to do this.

My only advice is to talk it through. I am not so sure this is the ideal place for advice though.

Good luck, I hope it works out for the best for you.

[The Saint]

OK that answers that question - are you asking whether you should break up?

Money you have put in - what sort of dollars are we talking about here? Do you have major investments together (house etc.)? If not then it wouldn't be a lot of money in the great scheme of things.
Time you have put in - it's six months. It's all relative, but that is not a lot of time over the course of your life. People have written off longer periods of time on bad relationships.
Love and effort - the good thing about these is that they are renewable commodities, until the day you die you will have efforts to make and love to give.

You need to get your head around the fact that you're a decent bloke with a lot to offer, then ask yourself whether this person is deserving of your love.

[Desmo]

Do you know the other guy? Is he a mate?
If so, he deserves a smack in the chops.

[Red_is_Best]

Very sorry to hear you are having a shit time at the moment. It hurts so much when someone you love disappoints and hurts you. It does make it feel like it was all for nothing and a waste of time. But it wasn't and never would be.

What you should do is basically what you want to do and what you feel like you can do. Do you want to walk away or keep going? If you want time because it all feels too hard or you need to sort out how you feel then say so and take it.

If they were honest to you then I assume they want to keep the relationship. Infidelity (or the attempt to be) can be a break up or a signal to change depending on the relationship.

If you don't have a close mate/family to unload to and help you talk though your thoughts and feelings then see someone who will. It helps with the pain and makes you feel strong again.

[Sventek]

Her love for you made her stop doing something foolish, and she was as honest with you as anyone can get. Have dinner with her, talk, and give her a second chance.

[Desmo]

...

[whitelight250]

I think we all have little mind melt sometimes and if you can talk about it and be honest with each other then it sounds like a relationship worth working on. Couples counciling is always a good step as well. Relationships Australia are a good place to start where its an open forum that is mediated and controled. Good luck.

[Jack0207]

Maybe next time she won't have time to think and just act. You need to sit, talk and work out if the trust is still there if you want to continue.

[filbert]

two types of trust, blind trust and earned trust.

you had been living with blind trust and you probably feel you were let down but then most would say she has earned it with honesty, it's harsh that she would consider it while you were laid up and probably feels like kicking you while you were down but she didn't follow through and she has opened up to you.

Only you can make the decision what to do next or how you feel about it, but in your shoes i'd probably express my opinion that for me it would be a deal breaker had she followed through but i would also note that she had proven herself worthy of a level of trust by coming forward with something you otherwise would probably never have found out about.

talk through it, get some counselling if you need help to get through it, but if the relationship was the most important thing to you before finding out then it's probably worth a bit of time and effort to fix it.

[Desmo]

Maybe next time she won't have time to think and just act

Or perhaps she realises how much of a cunt she feels for NOT doing it and won't allow herself to be in that position again?

[Gothchick]

Don't forget too, that if you were unable to to give her the same attention that you would have been usually, that she may have been feeling lonely and looking for the affection, rather than the sex. This fits seeing she backed out for the main event.

She is female after all.

I agree with giving her another chance.

But be aware that this could be a warning sign.

[Red_is_Best]

Don't forget too, that if you were unable to to give her the same attention that you would have been usually, that she may have been feeling lonely and looking for the affection, rather than the sex. This fits seeing she backed out for the main event.

I agree, it could be more about the feeling of being wanted by someone rather than her wanting sex. Maybe ask her why she couldn't come to you, to tell you she was feeling unloved, unwanted or needing something more than she was feeling. Her first point should have been looking for more in the relationship and from you than looking outside of it to provide what she was looking for.

[Captain Starfish]

... i developed a cyst on my tailbone and had it operated on ...

You need to sit down with the lady and talk about it.

I see whut you did thar

Kenty, choose your story:

1. She got the itch but was faithful to you and bailed and, in the end was honest with you. She's a keeper.
2. She got the itch and went looking. Ditch and try again.

Either response is valid and it all comes down to how much you want it to work with this girl vs finding the next one.

[g0zer]

i guess what i want to know is what should i do

have broken down at work

take some time off work and get really drunk (and observe the dont touch phones or internet or other communication systems when wasted rule)