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Thread: 30 things learned from watching porn

  1. #1
    Member goof's Avatar
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    1. Women wear high heels to bed.

    2. Men are never impotent.

    3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

    4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not
    scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

    5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with
    sperm.

    6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

    7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

    8. Women always orgasm when men do.

    9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

    10. All women are noisy f*cks.

    11. People in the 70's couldn't f*ck unless there was a wild guitar
    solo in the background.

    12. Those tits are real.

    13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his
    half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

    14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

    15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl
    isn't disgusted!)

    16. Double penetration makes women smile.

    17. Asian men don't exist.

    18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the
    bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if
    you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

    19. There's a plot.

    20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman
    by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

    21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.

    22. Men always pull out.

    23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend,
    she'll only be momentarily pissed off before f***ing the both of you.

    24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

    25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to
    remind her to "suck it".

    26. Assholes are clean.

    27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all
    parties concerned.

    28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's
    trousers and find a cock there.

    29. Men don't have to beg.

    30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand
    firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly
    on his hip.




    oh, and on a related note, this observation is an interesting read.




    P.S. No I didn't write either of them.

  2. #2
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    I think you put NWS in the title when there will be pics of naked people or something profane or disgusting, vulgar ect. I wouldnt worry bout it if its just text though.



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  3. #3
    Member TYSON's Avatar
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    haha nice find

    Originally posted by Anton@Jan 29 2006, 06:56 PM
    I think you put NWS in the title when there will be pics of naked people or something profane or disgusting, vulgar ect. I wouldnt worry bout it if its just text though.
    [snapback]220548[/snapback]
    NWS is for anything that could get you in trouble/offend at work by someone looking over your shoulder.. This is one of them.
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  4. #4
    Inactive Member ABS's Avatar
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    Originally posted by goof@Jan 29 2006, 04:07 PM
    1. Women wear high heels to bed.

    2. Men are never impotent.

    3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

    4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not
    scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

    5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with
    sperm.

    6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

    7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

    8. Women always orgasm when men do.

    9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

    10. All women are noisy f*cks.

    11. People in the 70's couldn't f*ck unless there was a wild guitar
    solo in the background.

    12. Those tits are real.

    13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his
    half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

    14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

    15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl
    isn't disgusted!)

    16. Double penetration makes women smile.

    17. Asian men don't exist.

    18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the
    bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if
    you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

    19. There's a plot.

    20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman
    by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

    21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.

    22. Men always pull out.

    23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend,
    she'll only be momentarily pissed off before f***ing the both of you.

    24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

    25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to
    remind her to "suck it".

    26. Assholes are clean.

    27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all
    parties concerned.

    28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's
    trousers and find a cock there.

    29. Men don't have to beg.

    30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand
    firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly
    on his hip.
    oh, and on a related note, this observation is an interesting read.


    P.S. No I didn't write either of them.
    [snapback]220517[/snapback]

    THATS A TICK IN EVERY BOX

  5. #5
    Member perdition's Avatar
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    31. women love anal sex , in fact if you can get 2 willies up there, even better.

    32. women love have a cock forced down their throat


  6. #6
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    Originally posted by corks67@Jan 31 2006, 02:30 PM
    32. women love have a cock forced down their throat


    [snapback]221201[/snapback]
    Only after point 31

  7. #7
    Member Fastgirl's Avatar
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    In reply to this post....30 real life comebacks, just to bring you fellas back into reality......

    1. We never wear our heels to bed, it could put a hole in the sheets.

    2. Men are lucky to have an erection for more than 7-15 minutes, porn stars love the editing man.

    3. Men go down on woman?

    4.If a woman gets busted masturbating, she will more likely scream at you to close the freakin door and leave, ur ruining the vibe.

    5.Yeah, we smile, RIGHT BEFORE WE RIP YOUR DICK OF AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT.....

    6.Sure that happens in real life, usually payment is made beforehand.

    7.No, thats us reciting the shopping list.

    8.Oh yeah, that urban legend.

    9.Well hell, didnt know that one.......

    10.Sure we are, it hurries the process.

    11. sorry no comeback for that one.

    12.Oh yeah sure they're real, real handy during a boat sinking in the ocean, those babys will float forever.

    13.Then the woman turns around and slaps him repeatedly.

    14.Men groan "oh yeah'' ?, woman groan ''thank god its over''

    15.Sure that happens, itll be the last time it will ever happen, they're dick will drop of from some STD.

    16.Sure it does, now you bend over, and see if you smile too!

    17.Sure they do....don't they? Holy shit, I have never seen a male asian porn star!!

    18.As if you would stumble across this everyday.

    19. Sure there is a plot. Its the same plot over, and over, and over, and over, and over.................well there you have it.

    20.Yes, and the woman gets even more excited when she pulls a knife out and goes all Loraina Bobbitt on his ass.

    21.I am not a nurse but hey, why dont you go and test that theory on the nurse who has access to a bevy of lethal injections at her disposal.

    22.Especially when threatened with a weapon to the nads if he doesnt.

    23.Yeah, she'll f*ck the both of you alright, with a twelve gage.

    24. Your right thats a lie, but its worked so far on you stupid gits.

    25.be careful, has been known that a womans hearing is reduced when performing this duty, so when you say that she may misinterpret and bite instead.

    26.No, assholes are everywhere, look in the mirror.

    27.yes, it makes sure you never procreate.

    28. Its our nice way of saying, oh crap...he lied.

    29.Bwahahahahahahahahahaha

    30.I have no comeback for this one....ah well.

    cheers
    Fastgir1
    Quote Originally Posted by Red_is_Best View Post
    hahah I hate it when they do that and you make some noises like you had it done just last year, then they give you that look, like you are a bad vagina owner and you should take better care of it!

  8. #8
    Member Pkunk's Avatar
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    Originally posted by corks67@Jan 31 2006, 02:30 PM
    31. women love anal sex , in fact if you can get 2 willies up there, even better.

    [snapback]221201[/snapback]
    i found this girl

    hahahah!

  9. #9
    Member Fastgirl's Avatar
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    classy
    Quote Originally Posted by Red_is_Best View Post
    hahah I hate it when they do that and you make some noises like you had it done just last year, then they give you that look, like you are a bad vagina owner and you should take better care of it!

  10. #10
    Member goof's Avatar
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    Originally posted by fastgir1@Jan 31 2006, 05:37 PM
    just to bring you fellas back into reality......
    [snapback]221278[/snapback]
    Nice work.

  11. #11
    Member lee's Avatar
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    Originally posted by fastgir1@Jan 31 2006, 05:37 PM
    In reply to this post....30 real life comebacks, just to bring you fellas back into reality......
    ____________
    cheers
    Fastgir1
    [snapback]221278[/snapback]
    Bitter much?

  12. #12
    Member Fastgirl's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Lee@Feb 1 2006, 01:24 PM
    Bitter much?* *
    [snapback]221591[/snapback]
    didnt take long! I knew one of you buggers would make that statement.
    Quote Originally Posted by Red_is_Best View Post
    hahah I hate it when they do that and you make some noises like you had it done just last year, then they give you that look, like you are a bad vagina owner and you should take better care of it!

  13. #13
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    Originally posted by porn list+--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(porn list)</div>
    7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.[/b]
    <!--QuoteBegin-fastgirl

    7. No, thats us reciting the shopping list.

    ahahahahahahahahahaha

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