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Thread: Today's Dad Joke

  1. #1481
    Member BusaSteve's Avatar
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    I went to the corner shop but they'd run out.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Two goldfish in a tank...one said you drive I'll shoot the gun.
    Smoke me a kipper...I'll be home in time for breakfast

  2. #1482
    Member GsxInShed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Para045 View Post
    That's no way to talk about your missus!
    That's udderly ridiculous..!
    " Imagination is the seed of life..."

  3. #1483
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    I hate that.... a bird shat on my windscreen yesterday...

    We're never havin' Indian, again.
    " Imagination is the seed of life..."

  4. #1484
    Member mekon's Avatar
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    Yesterday a clown held a door open for me.

    I thought it was a nice Jester.
    Quote Originally Posted by Abuse this View Post
    Get a load of this pussy, he wouldn't travel back in time to murder a baby.

  5. #1485
    Member GsxInShed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mekon View Post
    Yesterday a clown held a door open for me.

    I thought it was a nice Jester.
    ...


    Stealer...;-(
    " Imagination is the seed of life..."

  6. #1486
    Member Para045's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GsxInShed View Post
    That's udderly ridiculous..!
    #1 Gold Ticket Holder for the Barfridge Fan Club
    Quote Originally Posted by Phildo View Post
    Noted. We'll check back on that one in three years
    Quote Originally Posted by filbert View Post
    i'll pretend you didn't know she was 13

    98 BADASS TITANIUM BLACKBIRD - Past bikes 1982 XS250 Yamaha & 1983 CB750F with 900 motor
    Ozblackbird.net Administrator

  7. #1487
    Member BusaSteve's Avatar
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    Why don't blonds make good cattle owners?

    They can't keep there calves together.
    Smoke me a kipper...I'll be home in time for breakfast
    Likes acegalaxi, Nudge, BigBoss liked this post

  8. #1488
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    What tomatos' should you be afraid of....?

    'Terminatormatos'
    " Imagination is the seed of life..."

  9. #1489
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    Two friends at the station.....
    "What if we're late..?"
    "It'll be ok"
    "but we might have to put it back together.."
    "What..?"
    "This says the Train departs in 2 minutes....."
    " Imagination is the seed of life..."

  10. #1490
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    What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
    Do you remember the good old days before the internet?

    when arguments were only entered into by the physically or intellectually able.
    Likes Flakey, 66, Arch3r liked this post

  11. #1491
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    Two farmers discussing the merits of early detection of lice...

    One....scratching says to the other.

    "Sooner the better I reckon.."

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    A priest and a hooker are comparing notes...

    From the "confessional."

    She..."Seems they talk just as much to me.."

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    The boys' are in the pool..

    " who cleans the shit out of here..? "

    "Dunno . Let's find out......"
    " Imagination is the seed of life..."

  12. #1492
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    Q: What do you do if you are attacked by a circus mob?

    A: Go for the juggler.
    One owner. Only driven gently on Sundays. Sold to best offer. First to see will buy. Reward offered for safe return. Coming soon to a cinema near you. Available for a limited time only.

    My waterbed broke this morning. Oh, I don't have a waterbed. Bugger.

  13. #1493
    Member House's Avatar
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    Likes okitoki, Heretic liked this post

  14. #1494
    Member Nudge's Avatar
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    What kind of bees make milk?



    Boo bies.
    You can't *burrrp* can't just post, just post anything you feel like morty, you just *burrp* just end up *burrp* end up hurting people's feelings morty I mean how, how would you like it if I said things that offended you morty?
    Likes Deborah, datsikk liked this post

  15. #1495
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    What thinks the unthinkable?
    An itheberg.


    Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10.
    He replied, "I still love Vista, baby".


    Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
    The p is silent.


    Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
    Because he ate his pizza before it was cool.


    I had way too much salt on my dinner tonight.
    But it was sodium good.


    Did you hear Stephen Hawking is writing a new book on the 4th dimension?
    It's about time!


    I finally got around to getting my hair cut yesterday.
    It's taken a load off my mind.


    What is red and round?
    A red circle.


    There are two reasons for wearing diapers
    #1 and #2


    Why did the new coin taste so fresh?
    Because it was mint.
    One owner. Only driven gently on Sundays. Sold to best offer. First to see will buy. Reward offered for safe return. Coming soon to a cinema near you. Available for a limited time only.

    My waterbed broke this morning. Oh, I don't have a waterbed. Bugger.

  16. #1496
    Member GsxInShed's Avatar
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    The EX and I were just talking..

    she says...." C*#'t"

    i'm like,

    don't put words in my mouth.
    " Imagination is the seed of life..."
    Likes primalbabe liked this post

  17. #1497
    Member Phildo's Avatar
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    What do you call a German barber?
    Herr Kutz.


    A cartoonist was found dead in his home.
    Details are sketchy.


    Just viewed a house for sale entirely filled with mirrors.
    I thought, I can really see myself living here.
    One owner. Only driven gently on Sundays. Sold to best offer. First to see will buy. Reward offered for safe return. Coming soon to a cinema near you. Available for a limited time only.

    My waterbed broke this morning. Oh, I don't have a waterbed. Bugger.
    Likes datsikk liked this post

  18. #1498
    Member GsxInShed's Avatar
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    I was.... gunna do a language course...'cept my leg is playin' up.

    Seems the ichi ni ..is more than just the konichi wa...Hai.
    " Imagination is the seed of life..."

  19. #1499
    Member Deborah's Avatar
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    dadwantsafyabl4de2's recent accusation of my apparent* white knighting reminded me of this:

    ♪♫♪ I am a knight who will fight for your honour (and dignity, and so on, and so forth) ♫♪♫ ~ Pete et Cetera

    (* actual)
    Last edited by Deborah; 13-03-2016 at 05:04 PM.
    Regrets
    I've had a few
    But then again
    Sit down, this is going to take a while.
    Likes Commander Keen, zero liked this post

  20. #1500
    Member GsxInShed's Avatar
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    this isn't wasted..

    As much as it is wantin'

    as near as it is to needin...

    closer to the truth ...be told..

    "Sad n Lonely N blue..."

    "I
    don't wanna fall .....in
    love."- ( apologies to Chris Issac..) this new rip off shit is shit!!

    -The pool is ...deeper than you think...-
    " Imagination is the seed of life..."

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