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Thread: Today's Dad Joke

  1. #1801
    Member BusaSteve's Avatar
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    A plumber dies and is accidentally sent to hell. After a few days God realises the mistake and rings Satan asking to send him up to heaven. Satan says no way!...he's fixed all the leaking taps got the heat running good and next week he's gonna fit new bathrooms. Let me talk to him says God...cant says Satan he's out playing golf. We'll sue if you dont send him back up to us says God...yeah right! says Satan and where you gonna get a lawyer?
    Smoke me a kipper...I'll be home in time for breakfast
    Likes THE GODFATHER liked this post

  2. #1802
    Member bigsikkle's Avatar
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    five kids all fall down .
    cuntuplets .

  3. #1803
    Member Sauer's Avatar
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    This is/was my Dad's favorite joke:

    "Did you know that the thermoflask is the most amazing invention known to man. It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold. Isn't that amazing??"
    "No Dad it isn't, it just keeps stuff hot or cold"
    "Yes, but how does it know?"

    *****

    Made my daughter crack up on a drive recently. Saw a huge pack of kangaroos in a field and all but one have their head down eating grass. This one is bolt upright.
    Daughter says "look at the Roo standing up".
    I reply "No...eff you John....I'm a Meerkat!"
    She laughed so hard then wanted to turn back to take a photo so she could make a meme :/
    __________________________________________________ ____________
    "No, no. Not Sawyer like the valley. Sour like sweet and sour, only European"

  4. #1804
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    Grandpa comes home to find grandma doing a handstand , naked against a wall.
    Shocked , he asks , what are you doing ?
    She says, i know you can`t get it up ,so maybe you can drop it in !
    Likes BusaSteve liked this post

  5. #1805
    Member bigsikkle's Avatar
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    the difference between jogging in the countryside and gordon ramsay ?
    one is a pant in the country .

  6. #1806
    Member gareth_oau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bigsikkle View Post
    the difference between jogging in the countryside and gordon ramsay ?
    one is a pant in the country .
    the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?

    One clucks defiance

  7. #1807
    Member GsxInShed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gareth_oau View Post
    the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?

    One clucks defiance
    Fux the clients...?
    " you want a future..? reconcile your past....leave nothing to chance.."

  8. #1808
    Member Sprint's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GsxInShed View Post
    Fux the clients...?


    S.
    Buy my KTM RC8. Stunning condition. Stock as a rock. https://www.perthstreetbikes.com/for...d.php?t=186147


    Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

  9. #1809
    Member BusaSteve's Avatar
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    Difference between Billy Smarts circus and a brothel?

    Ones a show of cunning stunts!
    Smoke me a kipper...I'll be home in time for breakfast

  10. #1810
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    Quote Originally Posted by gareth_oau View Post
    the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?

    One clucks defiance
    There's only one lawyer joke, all the rest are true stories...
    The only thing wrong with a perfect ride to work is that you end up at work.
    G T

  11. #1811
    Member BusaSteve's Avatar
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    What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?


    A labracadabrador.
    Smoke me a kipper...I'll be home in time for breakfast

  12. #1812
    Member bigsikkle's Avatar
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    i was lying in bed this morning when i told the wife i loved her .

  13. #1813
    Member GsxInShed's Avatar
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    My lazy mate is an electrician....It's shocking how bad he is.
    " you want a future..? reconcile your past....leave nothing to chance.."

  14. #1814
    Member BusaSteve's Avatar
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    Gambling has brought my family closer together...we had to move into a caravan.
    Smoke me a kipper...I'll be home in time for breakfast
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  15. #1815
    Member GsxInShed's Avatar
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    I recently had about of dyslexia..do I have to spell out it..?
    " you want a future..? reconcile your past....leave nothing to chance.."

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