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Thread: Today's Dad Joke

  1. #1901
    Member Mr Bean's Avatar
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    What's for dinner Dad?

    Wookie steak.

    Is it any good?

    It's a little Chewy...
    “How people treat you is their karma; how you respond is yours.”

  2. #1902
    Member Deborah's Avatar
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    Someone threw a bottle of omega-3 pills at me! Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil.
    Regrets
    I've had a few
    But then again
    Sit down, this is going to take a while.
    Likes ReCon, somebodyelse, Papajero, sporti liked this post

  3. #1903
    Member Deborah's Avatar
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    If you carve a pumpkin in September it's called premature ejack'o'lantern
    Regrets
    I've had a few
    But then again
    Sit down, this is going to take a while.

  4. #1904
    Member TurboR1's Avatar
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    What size underwear does a feminist wear?

    Double standard.
    Trying to think of a wise and sincere signature quote, but the only words that leap to mind are, "TITTY SPRINKLES"
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  5. #1905
    Member GsxInShed's Avatar
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    " Are they pepitas...?"

    "no, they're mine."
    " Imagination is the seed of life..."

  6. #1906
    Member Deborah's Avatar
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    Why is it called a typo and not a tpyo?
    Regrets
    I've had a few
    But then again
    Sit down, this is going to take a while.
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  7. #1907
    Member filbert's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deborah View Post
    Why is it called a typo and not a tpyo?
    Why did I get stuck with dyslexia instead of sexdaily?
    Do you remember the good old days before the internet?

    when arguments were only entered into by the physically or intellectually able.
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  8. #1908
    Member TurboR1's Avatar
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    Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
    However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
    MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
    The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
    The scientific conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."
    Trying to think of a wise and sincere signature quote, but the only words that leap to mind are, "TITTY SPRINKLES"
    Likes 2Bigfeet, NAK3D, BusaSteve liked this post

  9. #1909
    Member Deborah's Avatar
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    I honestly do not care if I get sayings mixed up - it's like water off a duck's nuts.
    Regrets
    I've had a few
    But then again
    Sit down, this is going to take a while.

  10. #1910
    Member bigsikkle's Avatar
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    How does dad know he's had a good christmas ?

    His snow angel has a skidmark .
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  11. #1911
    Member Para045's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bigsikkle View Post
    How does dad know he's had a good christmas ?

    His snow angel has a skidmark .
    Snow? What is that?

    I liked the joke bit it works a lot better in the northern hemisphere though
    #1 Gold Ticket Holder for the Barfridge Fan Club
    Quote Originally Posted by Phildo View Post
    Noted. We'll check back on that one in three years
    Quote Originally Posted by filbert View Post
    i'll pretend you didn't know she was 13

    98 BADASS TITANIUM BLACKBIRD - Past bikes 1982 XS250 Yamaha & 1983 CB750F with 900 motor
    Ozblackbird.net Administrator

  12. #1912
    Member Deborah's Avatar
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    The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum. They're the Tolkien white guys.
    Regrets
    I've had a few
    But then again
    Sit down, this is going to take a while.
    Likes Dubs, Tim the PM liked this post

  13. #1913
    Member Deborah's Avatar
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    Welcome to the Blue Suede shoes help line. Dial:

    1 for the money
    2 for the show
    3 to get ready
    4 to hear the options again
    Regrets
    I've had a few
    But then again
    Sit down, this is going to take a while.
    Likes Mr Bean, 2Bigfeet liked this post

  14. #1914
    Member Deborah's Avatar
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    Welcome to the primary school songs hotline.

    Press 1 to report Michael Finnegan
    Press 2 to report whiskers on his chinnegan
    Press 3 if the wind blew them in again
    Press the star key to begin again
    Regrets
    I've had a few
    But then again
    Sit down, this is going to take a while.

  15. #1915
    Member bigsikkle's Avatar
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    My dad takes half a viagra every morning .
    Just so he doesn't piss on his slippers .

  16. #1916
    Member Deborah's Avatar
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    DATE: What do you do for a living?
    ME: I create makeup kits
    DATE: Oh that's so cool
    ME: Yeah, I'll put one together for you
    DATE: Aww you're making me blush
    Regrets
    I've had a few
    But then again
    Sit down, this is going to take a while.

  17. #1917
    Member GsxInShed's Avatar
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    Spoiler..shamelessly unoriginal.

    Dad "I swapped the bed ,for a trampoline..The wife hit the roof !...."

    Annnnnnnd..

    Dad " I was burnt having a shower recently in New Zealand..stupid old geyser.."
    " Imagination is the seed of life..."

  18. #1918
    Member Deborah's Avatar
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    [fish in a tank]
    Fish: there isn’t a lot of space in here
    Other Fish: ya but at least we get to blow shit up
    Regrets
    I've had a few
    But then again
    Sit down, this is going to take a while.

  19. #1919
    Member BusaSteve's Avatar
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    How to confuse an Irish man...put three shovels against a wall and tell him to take his pick.
    Smoke me a kipper...I'll be home in time for breakfast

  20. #1920
    Member Roy's Avatar
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    The Beach Boys go into a bar.
    "Round?"
    "Round."
    "Get a round?"
    "I'll get a round."
    Likes Deborah liked this post

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