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Thread: 21 Tips on Keeping Your Shit Together During Depression

  1. #2741
    Member Kristy's Avatar
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    So itís analogy time...

    My sister always got handouts from my mum as she could never get her shit together Ė this merely perpetuated her laziness/lack of desire to get her shit together. If you get everything you need/want, why bother working for it, right? Intellectually my mum knew it wasnít helping her to give her all that she needed, but as a mum, she couldnít sit by and watch her struggle; my mumís caring and kindness was actually to my sisterís long-term detriment. However, my parents recently moved to the other side of the river and they were no longer nearby for my sister to drop by and borrow/use something, so she actually grew up Ė it was the best thing for her that they could have done.

    Iíve had a similar experience but in another aspect where I basically became my sister who had someone in her life who cared deeply and so put up with my shit and gave me chances Öuntil they simply couldnít anymore. It enabled me to continue on the path I was on that was destructive to each of us, and ultimately, for us. When it was over, reality check happened, once-clouded emotions became more clear and focused and similarly I guess, I too grew up. I guess the barriers I built over several decades started to fall down and I could see more clearly. The only thing is, unlike family, relationships arenít unconditional. It was an all-consuming experience for me but part of having the emotional cloud become less fuzzy is that the focus can change from being solely about oneself to being about the other person as well Ė wanting to make them happy, to be there for them, to help them in aspects of their life that they struggle with but you do well. I guess thatís part of growing up emotionally.

    Since we went our separate ways and under the circumstances I feel Iíve subsequently done all I can to communicate the things I previously couldnít. So in some ways itís a good thing that this happened because without it, behaviours may not have been able to be changed. Despite regret, if time and distance do indeed prove that itís irreconcilable now or in the future, there is a growing level acceptance, ŗ la the 5 stages of grief.
    "This is great. Not only am I not learning, I'm forgetting stuff I used to know".

    - Milhouse Van Houten
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  2. #2742
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    Self improvement takes a lifetime. Kristy you have the respect of many. Life's challenges, some that we had little control over place barriers on how we look at things. I can only talk about my personal growth from my own perspective.

    When trust is broken it took many years to get past that.

    On another issue, just been treated for Tendonitis and looking forward to getting this non stop pain behind me.
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  3. #2743
    Member Kristy's Avatar
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    As per the hypothetical question - would you go back in time with all the knowledge you have now or fast forward to 50 years old with $10 million in the bank? I never knew my response until now. It would be go back in time with the knowledge I have now. It would only need to be 6 months - I lost someone very dear to me during that time.

    In the last few weeks my thoughts/feelings have never been so lucid but timing is everything and despite being given chance upon chance, the thoughts/feelings escaped me until the last chance had run its course. As Jack Nicholson's character says "you make me want to be a better (wo)man". That has really defined love for me - bettering one self not only for themselves, but also for their partner; shifting the focus from selfishness to it becoming about the other person and wanting to make them happy. The drive, motivation etc., that was required, appeared but alas it was too late. Time doesn't stand still... if only it could be rewound.

    An ex once said to me I think too much. He's right - I have overthought love; it's pretty damned simple...
    Last edited by Kristy; Today at 12:04 AM.
    "This is great. Not only am I not learning, I'm forgetting stuff I used to know".

    - Milhouse Van Houten

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